Dear men: penis-touching rules are pretty immutable

“You can touch your penis anytime you want, in whatever way you want, for as long as you want. But this is a private activity. You do it in your bedroom or in your bathroom with the door closed.”

That’s the advice our boys received from us on the topic. That’s the advice I received from my parents on the topic.

In what is probably at least a partial manifestation of work-at-home complacency and inattention—which, incidentally, I do not offer as an excuse, only as potentially increased comprehension—prominent legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin exposed his penis on a Zoom call.

And, in the Borat sequel due tomorrow, Rudy Giuliani is apparently seen to insert his hand into his pants while lying on a hotel bed in the presence of a female he may or may not have believed was 15 years old.

Now whether or not he was tucking in his shirt, as he claims, there is some awfully questionable judgment here. And Toobin may have been trying to comply with the advice at the top of this post, but well, he wasn’t careful enough, was he?

Guys, you can’t screw this up. You have to be right every time. If you’re not, there are consequences.

Or are we trying to make the world safe for Anthony Weiner again?

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