I’m not leaving voicemail anymore

I’m not leaving voicemail anymore.

OK, mostly. I’d love to just walk away from it, but then I’d love to walk away from voice calls in general. My antipathy toward telephony has grown steadily stronger for years, and apart from an occasional catch-up with my geographically inconvenient sister or sorting quotidian details with a member of my immediate family, I’d rather not use it.

Words displayed on a screen are a better answer for nearly all other common scenarios. (Do you know how detailed you can get with an online pizza order, with an excellent chance you’ll get it just like you wanted it? Do you know how much better written driving directions are?)

Alas, so few of you seem to have reached (or to have even begun approaching) this level of enlightenment, so the telephone as a transceiver of voice remains in my life to some limited degree. I’ll begrudgingly tolerate it when I have to—but I can stop leaving voicemail. Not many of you even listen to it anymore anyway.

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