I think this morning I finally had my Eureka! moment on why I’ve been bumping along.
I’ve been wasting time. And it’s generated formidable guilt.
How have I been wasting time? Oh, just in a general kind of way. I’ve not been making consistently good decisions about what I allow to capture my time and attention as I go through the day/week/month/year. I’m not doing enough of what I really want to be doing. I look back at what I’ve done over a period of time, and say “yeah, all right, but what else?”
I’ve not sufficiently appreciated how blessed I am. There are a lot of people who get up and turn the crank every day just like I do, except they’re also saddled with marital discord, addiction, financial difficulties, or any number of other significant rucksacks of misery, of which I am thankfully free.
But doesn’t that reasonably compel me to make that much more of what I’ve been given?
Moreover, it’s yet another arena in which to make a significant error of perspective–what I’ve come to think of as the “well at least” trap. I’ve written of approaching parenting that way, too. “Well, at least I’m not as bad as that guy.” Wow, really? That’s the line I’m going to use? Relativity can be quite seductive.
I want to keep my expectations realistic, but I also want to be honest with myself about my capabilities, and frankly, a baseline measurement of “yeah, things are going OK” is beneath them.
Here is a day/week/month/year–a glorious gift from God. What will I do with it?