Received this email from Saintseester this evening and thought I’d comment on it. (Original in bold; my comments follow.)
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put. Never considered it, but I suppose that’s a net positive. But really, it’s only inconvenient for a woman for a month or two, isn’t it? And I guess some women don’t want to change their names when they get married. Lea did, but I’d have been fine with it if she hadn’t. (I think the hyphenated business is kind of silly, though.)
The garage is all yours. Yes and no. I’m “primary” there, just as Lea is in the kitchen, but each of us has some say in the other.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. My role was minor indeed. We had a lovely wedding, and Lea was largely responsible.
Chocolate is just another snack. Yeah, I don’t get that. I like chocolate, but I like lots of other stuff too. That equivocation definitely does not extend to the world views of a great many women I’ve known. For them, there’s chocolate, and there’s everything else.
You can be President. Ha! Watch closely, boys and girls. I’ve got Hillary’s ’08 chances at about 70%.
You can never be pregnant. Unambiguous benefit.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Sure.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Nah, not in the past ten years or so, unfortunately.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. Yes, but my guy has been my guy for a really long time. I still get occasional pad-the-bill “recommendations” on those rare occasions I talk to another shop.
The world is your urinal. Yeah, that rocks.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. Erm. I’ve not yet encountered one that I wouldn’t take my children into, but I suspect that “icky” threshold is rather lower than one I’d use only for myself.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. No, sometimes I do, particularly if I have to make a spatial correction. I ruined an expensive plumbing fitting once because I was tightening it when I thought I was loosening it. Stripped that sumbitch right the hell out.
Same work, more pay. As an institutional and widespread phenomenon, this is far less true today than many would have you believe.
Wrinkles add character. Heartily agreed. I wonder about folks over 40 or so without even a hint of a laugh line.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental $100. Yep, this part of the whole thing was as simple as advertised.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. Oh, bullshit. It’s not when we’re talking to you; it’s when you’re bending down.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. True, that. ‘Course, if I ever wear non-sneakers, I try to make them Rockports, and that matters.
One mood all the time. I talk a good game on choosing your reaction and therefore your mood, but I don’t always succeed. I am a much mellower fellow than I was ten years ago, and those times when I know I’m not likely to play well with others, I do try to remove myself as much as practicality allows.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. Preach on. I can’t stand talking on the telephone. Except for an occasional visit with a faraway friend, or something cool like Dark and Stormy, I consider it a means, not an end. “I just called to talk” is not in my vocabulary.
You know stuff about tanks. A little. Bunches more about helicopters.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. Indeed, but the right bag makes it possible.
You can open all your own jars. I like opening jars. All men do. Any who says he doesn’t is a damned liar.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Heh. I hope I generate, and am thus held to, higher standards for such in those close to me.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Sure. The list of people who are even capable of genuinely hurting my feelings has gotten quite short.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Yup, no mental bandwidth spent there at all. I have a lot harder time finding socks I like, and usually buy 30 pairs or so when I do.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. Yeah, I don’t think about shoes much.
You almost never have strap problems in public. Nope.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Actually, that’s not true. I don’t like wrinkled clothes. (But I almost never wear clothes that need ironing.)
Everything on your face stays its original color. I don’t understand this one. What changes color on a woman’s face? Upper lip hair?
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. Left just to me, I wouldn’t have a hairstyle at all. I’ve been Kojak bald twice in my life, and I love it. (Lea doesn’t like it.)
You only have to shave your face and neck. Yup, and I even grouse about that once in a while.
You can play with toys all your life. Love it. Never stopping.
One wallet and one color for all seasons. Black leather.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. Indeed. Much of the winter, too.
You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife. Or diagonal cutting pliers. Dremel once, but never again.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. I used to grow a mustache and beard for the winter, and was clean-shaven from March 15 to September 30. I kept it all year this time. I’ll shave again next March.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. Actually it takes me five or six hours, but I do generally do it in one evening or two. (Online, of course.)
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.
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People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. Oh, bullshit. It’s not when we’re talking to you; it’s when you’re bending down.
Actually, it’s ALL the time. This is a biological reflex in men. Some (very few) have adapted to minimal social standards and attempt not to be obvious though.