Whilst enjoying a particularly delicious bowl of pho today with Greg, I told him about yesterday’s Neil Diamond post. He laughed and said “so are you going to do a Pat Boone post tonight?”
Ha, ha, ha. Have a seat and hang on, wiseass.
I embraced nearly all of the pop culture of the ’80s. I was 8 when they started and 18 when they ended, and if those aren’t “formative years” I don’t know what are. Of all the ’80s had to offer in the way of music, I really liked new wave, but my first love was hard rock/heavy metal. Oh my, were the ’80s good times for that, with lots of talented new folks, and older folks who weren’t over the hill yet. You couldn’t turn around without a rib-cracking A-chord knocking you to your feet. Damned good times, even if the Aqua Net did flow a little liberally.
But with the avalanche just behind “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” those times passed. Grunge settled in, and though a few ’80s bands persevered, most were snowed under. The importance of popular music declined in my life as I started my career, began dating the woman who would become my wife, and moved into a respectable apartment.
Then, in January 1997, Pat Boone released In a Metal Mood: No More Mr. Nice Guy. Yes, that Pat Boone. And yes, it’s an album of hard rock/heavy metal covers.
Wow. I don’t know how to begin telling you how bad it is.
I bought it immediately. I wanted to hear it for the novelty value, of course, but I also knew I had scores of friends who would want to hear it, and I wanted to be the guy who had it so no one else had to buy it. Indeed, it was borrowed here and there for most of the first year I had it.
Want to hear “Stairway to Heaven” as a waltz? Want to hear “Paradise City” as a catchy little lounge number? Want to hear “Crazy Train” with Andrews Sisteresque backing vocals and horns that are at once lazy and whimsical? This is your record.
The guy stabbed at heavy metal’s heart, too. The track listing was poignantly brutal. Included are Judas Priest’s “You’ve Got Another Thing Comin’,” Dio’s “Holy Diver,” and Metallica’s “Enter Sandman,” which I consider three of the purest examples of the craft. I think you could do these songs on a banjo with Yoko Ono on vocals and it wouldn’t be as offensive as Pat Boone slaughtering them. The entire track listing:
- “You’ve Got Another Thing Comin’,” Judas Priest
- “Smoke on the Water,” Deep Purple
- “It’s a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock & Roll),” AC/DC
- “Panama,” Van Halen
- “No More Mr. Nice Guy,” Alice Cooper
- “Love Hurts,” Nazareth
- “Enter Sandman,” Metallica
- “Holy Diver,” Dio
- “Paradise City,” Guns ‘N’ Roses
- “The Wind Cries Mary,” Jimi Hendrix
- “Crazy Train,” Ozzy Osbourne
- “Stairway To Heaven,” Led Zeppelin
I don’t consider some of these heavy metal, but it does all hang together in its hideously perverse way.
To be fair: while obviously a lighthearted project, I don’t think this ended up a total goof for Pat. His liner notes indicate that he found much greater musical depth in heavy metal than he expected, and he laments (sincerely, I think) some of the artists he had to cut for the final listing.
If you have intellectual curiosity about intense aural pain, and you don’t quite have the stomach for shoving a meat thermometer in your ear, this album is the next best thing.
I warn you: if you loved heavy metal as I did (and do), you’ll never be the same.
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Heh… at musical bingo at the Chatterbox a couple weeks ago, they played his cover of Enter Sandman. Pat Boone’s name was on the card, but no one believed me when I insisted that it was him singing it, despite the swoony, jazzy style of delivery. I had the last laugh on that one. 🙂
We did a “close reading” on that album on “Supremely Bad Music Day” in a cultural studies class that I took. What an album….
Wow. So pwned.
I think that what you should have done is play for him Neil Diamond’s new album (12 Songs).That would have shut him up with the absurd Pat Boone comparisons.
Jeremy: WHO ELSE could it have been? Indeed you did!
Lesley: It’s something, isn’t it? I remember thinking something like “ok, this can’t be as bad as I think it’s going to be, so I’m going to try to have an open mind.” I think it took all of four seconds into “You’ve Got Another Thing Comin'” for beer to come out my nose.
Anonymous: Ah, it was good-natured ribbing. Told me something about the way he was perceived though, for sure.