I got to thinking about those little cardboard boxes of Beech-Nut gum—you know, the kind the bank tellers always had for you when you were a tot? Two chiclets inside? Most of the time they were either white or green—peppermint or spearmint, respectively.
Of course, those were the days when people had to go to the bank, and their kids had to go with them. One of the funniest fellows of my lifetime had a memorable bit about it.
If you were a child of the ’70s, the two big things you had a lot of experience with that kids don’t understand today were 1) lots of waiting around with very little to do; and 2) smoking. Pretty much half the population smoked in those days, though it seemed like everyone did, and you could do it pretty much anywhere except an oxygen tent. Maybe those are related. Maybe fewer people smoking today is not just better health education and sin taxes and what-not, but the fact that adults did a lot more waiting around in those days too. Wow, this is boring. Got a cigarette?
My least favorite place in the world to wait around for my mom was Country Manor on Snow Street in Oxford. They had candles, doilies, and other frou-frou stuff. We would go in there and I swear it was like Narnia, except not fun. We would lose entire seasons in the depths of the Country Manor. When we finally emerged we’d missed Christmas, or summer vacation. There would be a different president.
The partial consolation was that Country Manor sold stick candy. So if Jenny and I behaved, we’d get to have four or five pieces each. I liked the cherry, but my favorite was green with red, yellow, and blue stripes. It was supposed to be bubblegum-flavored, and I don’t know about that, but it was good.
You seeing the connections? You see how this all worked? Our parents habitually purchased our compliance with sugar, while also smoking copiously. So we learned positive associations with both, while also growing into an adulthood that has largely eliminated the flavor of tedium in which these consumptions occurred.
I tell you, we never had a chance.
I first became acquainted with Brickell Men’s Products from my experience in the Chisel Shave Club. Included in my box was a small bottle of Brickell aftershave lotion. Brickell products are expensive. But it takes me forever to use two ounces of aftershave, and it’s excellent. So it’s a minor luxury of which I partake. […]
Ladies and gentlemen, your 2017-18 Winter Storm Names: Antidisestablishmentarianism, Burnt Sienna, Covfefe, Darko, Enjoli, Fahrvergnugen, Gargamel, He Hate Me, Impetigo, Jedi, Kajagoogoo, Langostino, Meatnormous, Naugahyde, Orgeron, Pho Tai, Qi, Ronco, Seiko, Toss Across, Umber Hulk, Vern, Whiffle Ball, Xanadu, Yak, and Zaxxon.
The winter storm names for the 2016-2017 season have been announced! They are: Aspercreme Breeyahnieaux Corky Dreamsicle Ernestine Fleek Galazkiewicz Herbie Ipecac Jordache Kielbasa Lecithin Mork Nefertiti Otocinclus Potsie Quisp Retsyn Skeeter Tad Urticaria Venerea Weasel XFL Yahtzee Zagnut