Cheetos Chicken Fries are an affront to good junk food

Burger King, one-time home of a breakfast sandwich actually called Meatnormous, has decided that Cheetos Chicken Fries should be a thing. They’re strips of fried chicken with a Cheetos coating.

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No. Just no.

Just because two different things are junk food doesn’t mean they go together. I mean, Taco Bell gets this weird synthesis thing much more correct. There’s a certain logic to a Dorito taco shell, or even to Fritos in a burrito. But what do cheese curls have to do with fried chicken? Nothing. In fact, one of the very first posts on this blog was, in part, about the inappropriateness of cheese and fried chicken together.

And no, this isn’t a review. I haven’t tried them. I don’t need to. I can construct this gustatory combination perfectly on my mind’s palate. It doesn’t work.

There are bits of evil genius that come out of Burger King even today. The Quad Stacker, a ridiculous disaster of four beef patties, cheese, bacon, and oil-based sauce, might be the only fast food burger I’d miss if I never had another one. (Only the Double Stacker is on the menu, but if you ask for a Quad Stacker they’ll hook you up.) But they need to stick to those things they know.

There shouldn’t be any such thing as cheese curl chicken fingers.

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