OK, here’s what I got, mostly from Twitter:
- Gift bags for these poor, needy stars were valued at $168,000 each
- Neil Patrick Harris said he was gay roughly every 45 seconds
- Apparently clothes were kind of a big deal this year
- Joan Rivers was omitted from the memorial montage, but this was perfectly legitimate and customary because she was not a voting member of the Academy and her being left out had nothing to do with her being a pro-Israel Republican, so just back off, petty right-wing hate machine, and go back to your Faux News and machine guns and talking to your invisible sky daddy
- Kanye West was drunk and rude, or, uh…something? Wait, wrong awards show? Am I confused?
- Racist and hurtful jokes are not racist and hurtful when liberals tell them
- That clip of Phil Donahue throwing up in a tuba never gets old
- Despite widespread critical acclaim, The Interview was passed over for best picture
Did I miss anything?
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Watched the whole thing. Even got BINGO!
1. gift bags = true
2. I don’t remember NPH mentioning his gayness even once.
3. Clothes were mostly lovely. We were all SHOCKED at Lady Gaga’s normal, beautiful dress and astounding performance of Sound of Music tribute. Shocked. Upstaged the Glory (“selma”) performance, really.
4. Joan Rivers made the Red Carpet a thing, and therefore Lady Gaga a thing, and therefore, but if she wasn’t a member she wasn’t a member. Get over it.
5. Oprah Winfrey is annoying.
6. LOL Sean Penn.
7. But Robert Duvall was in a coma
8. And Everything is Awesome didn’t win best song, either. Which was a travesty.
Next year, you should play along and see how many ballots you can get right without paying any attention whatsoever. You ought to do about as well as my sister did.
‘Seester, your affection for the Oscars might be the single most perceivedly dissonant thing I know about you.
Sometimes, I’m shallow. A lot of the time, I love movies. It’s a win/win combination
I haven’t watched that (excuse the expression) circle jerk in 10 years. There is something nauseating about a bunch of narcissists congratulating each other on their awesomeness. Also, I’ve never heard of most of the movies that are nominated.
Yes. That. What she said.
Whatever concern I had for them started hemorrhaging in earnest when Forrest Gump beat Pulp Fiction for Best Picture in 1994. (In hindsight, The Shawshank Redemption was a better film too.)