“Great to see you!” >mwah!<
The kiss hello—meaning, a platonic kiss as part of the initial greeting between friends—is an intriguing phenomenon. It even got its own Seinfeld episode. It’s not particularly common anymore, I don’t think, at least in my circles. I still see it/experience it occasionally, though I remember seeing a lot more of it as a child.
It seems to be the near-exclusive purview of a man and a woman, or two women. I can’t recall ever seeing two men kiss in the way I mean, though I suspect such is more common outside the United States. Seems like two women always kiss on the cheek. With a man and a woman, could be the cheek, or could be lips.
I sometimes kiss a woman hello, but when I initiate, it’s always her cheek (or occasionally the back/side of her head during a hug, if the circumstances are sufficiently casual). I can recall a few kisses hello on the lips, but she always leads on those. My long-held view is that when it’s her idea, it’s tender and nice. When it’s a man’s idea, it feels presumptuous and maybe even vaguely threatening, depending on the circumstances.
Part of me is sad to see it in such decline. With a little consideration and etiquette, it’s a pleasant expression of closeness and validation. And how much less hygienic could it be than shaking hands? I think it’s interesting that it won’t die altogether. That suggests some unique value to it.
I suspect it’s yet another casualty of evolving gender relations. With the many changes in how men and women relate to one another over the past century, many behaviors have perished or greatly declined. This is a solid example. I think the kiss hello is an enjoyable and innocent ritual, but it’s the sort of thing that gets steamrolled in a major sociological shift, even if the direction of that shift is overwhelmingly positive.
Probably that’s unavoidable, and even necessary. Though many men would never be so crass and forward, there are still a few around for whom a kiss hello also means a hand-on-your-butt hello. I wonder whether we’re granular enough to purge that and keep the larger ritual.
Nevertheless, as of right now it’s way down, but it’s not out. I find that fascinating.
What are your thoughts on the kiss hello? Do you like it? Do you think it will ever die completely?
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I’m fine with the kiss-on-the-cheek hello, but I try to avoid the kiss-on-the-lips. If I sense it coming, I quickly turn my head so they get nothing but cheek. Maybe I’m uptight – but it just feels a little too familiar for me.
No, I think it’s right in line with what I’m talking about. A woman kissing a man hello on the lips is not the same thing as a man kissing a woman hello on the lips.
Why not?
Carol, I like the implicit deference in leaving it to her to initiate. Feels more gentlemanly to me.
No, I meant “why not” as in why doesn’t it mean the same thing when a woman initiates the kiss? Or why is it different?
Personal opinion? “Ew! Yuck! Get out of my space!” High levels of awkward and uncomfortable. But I also don’t like surprise social hugs or handshakes that last a moment longer than they have to.
Kuzco, in Disney’s the Emperor’s New Groove, summed it up well “No touchy!”
I like the kiss on the cheek, but kiss on the lip seems a little odd. I would be a little freaked out if a guy friend greeted me with a kiss on the lips, not gonna lie
I still kiss long – time friends on the cheek. And I sure don’t mind if they plant one on mine. Still, they have to be close friends. A quick hug is sufficient otherwise.
Creepy is the person you’ve just been introduced to who won’t let go after a handshake. Awkward.
Amanda, Laura, y’all are right there with me on thinking a man shouldn’t lead such.
Cheryl, that’s funny. You’re actually one of the ones I was thinking of. 🙂
In huntsville, I’d be shocked if a man I barely knew tried to greet with a kiss on the cheek. In New Orleans, I’m shocked if they don’t.
Well, you know how I feel about hugging. Imagine my reaction to a greeting kiss. Lord! However, you know, deep down inside, I have to agree with you though. It’s one of those old-fashioned things I’d like to see make a comeback. I’d just have to force myself into it at first. I always like to see it in others though.
Carol, it won’t let me comment in-line with your question, so I’ll comment at the end and hope you see it. Someone should speak to the webmaster about this travesty.
I think that when the kiss is sincerely and honorably proffered, it means the same thing whether initiated by a man or a woman.
But I think that I’m ceding the dictation of the terms of the encounter to her when I let her lead on a kiss on the lips. If she is comfortable enough with me to do that, then it’s pleasant and tender. I am very hesitant to assume that comfort because of the potential damage to our relationship were I wrong.