I’d previously chatted with my friend Stannon, a fellow foodie and second-half-of-life teetotaler, about near beers. So he seemed a natural person to ask about alcohol-free “bourbons.” He shared that he’d seen a review of one—not this one, but still—that described the taste as “Band-Aids and cat piss.”
Consider my expectations tempered.
Free Spirits The Spirit of Bourbon is sold in 750 ml (“metric fifth”) bottles, just like the smallest big bottle of the real thing. It retails for $37, which is about what you can get it to your door for (with tax and shipping) if you poke around for a coupon code.
So, rude awakening number one: you’re definitely not going to save any money drinking this instead of Jack or Jim.
Rude awakening number two is there’s a good reason the web site discusses (exclusively, pretty much) mixing with its products.
Definitely a trial by fire, but if I’m going to evaluate the product properly, then I’m going to pour a snifter of it neat. That’s how I nearly always drank bourbon, so that needs to be a major component of my review.
The appearance is convincing, both in color and behavior. It hugs the inside of the glass similarly to bourbon. The nose is mediocre. I wouldn’t call it in the ballpark, but it’s only a block or so away. Alas, the wood olfactory note is closer to sawdust than anything else.
The taste is solidly disappointing. There is a little wood and a little sweet, but they are weak tastes, and there is no burn whatsoever. I think what it most tastes like is a bourbon on the rocks that you drained, left on the table for 30 minutes, and then came back and drank the partial melt.
It does a little better in a “bourbon” and Coke, but back in the day I generally poured that two parts Coke to one part liquor for myself, so the absence of fire is again the most prominent feature of the experience.
There is nothing scary in the ingredients (well, beyond the nebulousness of “natural flavors”). Indeed, The Spirit of Bourbon is a good source of two B vitamins, and also includes taurine. These are “functional ingredients,” the label explains, intended to give you a little something in lieu of your buzz. I halfway talked myself into thinking I felt a little lift, but it may have just been the sugar in the Coca-Cola.
For all I know this is the finest faux bourbon in the world, but it is not an experience I’ll repeat. I think good near beers are a lot more convincing because they can be carbonated. But clearly, there’s not yet a way to fake the burn of alcohol without alcohol.
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