Someone in this house is peeing on the floor

I’m pretty sure I’m not doing it.  I’m not particularly suspicious of Lea either.

Yet there it keeps recurring, in the boys’/guest bathroom—the unmistakable, sickly-sweet stench of stale urine.

I almost busted Aaron recently.  He did do it at least once.  I got to him about three minutes after the deed, and thought I was at the heart of the problem, because he’d gone to the bathroom with the light off.  (I trust you can see where the logistics of a little boy enamored of such a practice would be less than desirable.)  He didn’t get in trouble—he is only 4—but I calmly explained to him that he couldn’t aim well if he couldn’t see.  He expressed his understanding, and I’ve not seen him do it again.

Still it persists.  Actually the shower curtain has significantly gotten it a time or two, and coupled with an offhand comment or two Lea has made, there is a little reasonable suspicion that one or both boys are making a game of this.  I’ve made it clear that if recreational freestyle urination is indeed confirmed, retribution will be swift and merciless.

Whatever the circumstances, if it doesn’t stop soon, there are supervised uses of Clorox Clean-Up in the boys’ immediate futures.  Lea’s done the heavy cleaning at least twice, and I’ve done it once.  I think we’re ’bout done.

But perhaps it’s not their faults.  Perhaps it’s genetic.

(I have to tell this story on myself, or Lea or Charles will.)

I have sleepwalked at least three times in my life, most recently six or seven years ago.  After an evening of football and a fair amount of beer, I went to bed.

(Incidentally, I mention the beer because of the fluid intake close to bedtime.  When I went to bed I could feel that I had been drinking, but I was nowhere near sloppy drunk.  This is a sleepwalking story, not a drunk story.)

I got up sometime in the night and walked to the kitchen.  (I don’t remember that part.)  Lea saw me go out and duck down behind the kitchen sink, and she heard…a sound.  She got up and walked to where I was.  (I remember the following.)

“Did you just pee on the floor?”

“No, of course not!  Don’t be ridiculous!”

We went back to bed.

In the cruel morning light, of course, it was clear that I had indeed relieved myself on the rug behind the sink.  I cleaned it up, and there you go.

To me the funniest part of the story is that I was asleep enough to pee on the floor, but awake enough to realize I should lie about it.

Yeah.  So.

I guess I could get all Dick Tracy and put a motion-activated camera in there.  Maybe I’ll even bust myself.  I am the only one in the house with a confirmed history of somnambulatory urination.

You might also like:

11 thoughts on “Someone in this house is peeing on the floor”

  1. Heh. Of all the downsides of having girls (the make-up, the attitudes, the commandeering of bathrooms for inhumane amounts of time) I DON’T have to deal with sloppy peeing.

    Good luck with that.

    Reply
  2. For cleanup, get a spray bottle of “Nature’s Miracle” at the pet store. It works on just about anything malodorous.

    After all, your boys are your precious pets 🙂

    Reply
  3. It is not possible for me to pee in the places that we are finding the puddles… my fat butt would get stuck between the tub and the commode if I were doing it. I’ve cleaned more then a couple of times, too. They never do anything wrong when I’m watching them, though. I’m not sure about handing them the Clorox but I may have them wipe up most of the mess with baby wipes and then go back over the area with Clorox later.

    Reply
  4. Charles – Did you notice Bo forgot to mention about the other time when he peed in the wastepaper basket in the bathroom in his sleep. So close but, yet, so far.

    Reply
  5. Heh! I’d actually forgotten about the wastebasket.

    Yes, dear readers, it’s true. In addition to the many other things that make me an interesting person to know: once every 12.47 years (on average, as of this writing), I get up in the middle of the night and pee in a weird place.

    Maybe it’s a disease. Maybe there’s federal money in it.

    Reply
  6. One night around 1am, D got up and went into my closet. I sleepily rolled over, and then bolted up and hollered – “Why are you in my closet?” He sleepily yelled back, “I’m in the bathroom.” I flew to the closet and woke him up – disaster averted.

    Reply
  7. Did you queston the cat? I woke up one morning, sat down to pee, and my brain kept asking, “What doesn’t belong here”? I looked to the right and there were 3 cat turds in the bathtub. 15 years of using the litterbox and he suddenly decided to take a dump in the tub. A not so subtle reminder to clean out the litterbox, I guess.

    Reply

Leave a Comment

CAPTCHA


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

BoWilliams.com