Absolving oneself of any real responsibility for a self-destructive friend is easier said than done. You know intellectually that you ought to, but the destruction hurts, and you want it not to happen. Nevertheless, it remains that if someone’s absolutely determined to drive off a cliff, there’s nothing you can do but make sure you’re not in the car. She’ll get past the guard rail, by God. Just stay out of the way.
As with many matters of human relations, I’m a lot better at dealing with them than I used to be. (Funny how that happens; growth rings, etc.) Generally I can keep my hand extended without holding him/her up.
I’ve never had a self-destructive friend, though, who has embraced her sadness—a perfect storm of excessive grief, selfishness, and laziness—so completely as the one who’s breaking my heart right now. This is high masochism. Hell, I think her breathing quickens a bit and her voice gets a slight huskiness when we talk about it on the telephone.
I float between fury and sorrow. I need to unplug completely. I’ve said everything I know to say, and she’s essentially replied “I hear what you’re saying, but I like being this way.” What can you do with that?
I weep for her children. God be with them.
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Sadly, I’m right there with ya.
wow, you’ve read my mind and said perfectly what I am feeling about someone in my life. its hard to wash your hands of someone, I am trying to get clean myself!
You speak the words of my heart, Bo. This is a great lesson for me but, like most great lessons, it is one that must be learned the hard way.
Thank you so much for the wonderfully worded and heartfelt blog about me. I feel better already simply with reading the words of your incredible support for my sadness and loss of my precious mother and best friend only six months ago. My heart is uplifted by your kind words of my “selfishness” and “lazy” behavior and I’m deeply touched at how you weep for my children who continue to be happy, well adjusted and continuously blessed by God.
I’m missing one of my oldest and dearest friends? Why did he desert me? Perhaps if you stuck around long enough you would see I’m not going off any cliff…but thanks for the push anyhow….