Grumpy

  • If your voice mail or answering machine message to me will take longer than 15 seconds, please just tell me to call you instead.
  • Look, dude, I don’t have anything against you paying for your Mountain Dew and Snickers with loose change. I used to be a broke high school student too. But hey, here are some dynamite pointers to help you with that whole consideration-for-others thing, which (one hopes) you’ll eventually find more important than you evidently do now: before you get to the counter, know how much you have, and know what the items you wish to purchase cost.
  • Servers, please just refill my tea, soft drink, or water instead of asking me if I want it refilled. (It’s a particularly inane question early in the meal.)
  • I’m polite and respectful when I visit your part of the country. Please return the favor when you visit mine.
  • Mom? Dad? Prithee why is your minor child running around the mall with the word “Juicy” plastered across her ass?
  • Also, why does your 16-year-old son have the keys to a 300-horsepower Mustang GT?
  • I won’t mind paying 20% more if you’ll make it 20% better. (Applies to scores of consumer products.)
  • As tragic as the Virginia Tech massacre is, it doesn’t change the fact that I think head football coach Frank Beamer is a jerk who encourages and coddles thugs, and I still won’t shed a tear when Virginia Tech loses this fall. Sentimental favorite? My ass. We might could talk if I’d seen any class on the gridiron in the last decade.
  • If you’re going to take up two parking spaces with your new car, you’d best do it somewhere in the back half of a parking lot that’s less than a third full. If you pull that shit at the front door and I’m coming to the same place, I might decide I’d enjoy the challenge of wedging a half-ton crew-cab pickup in right beside you.
  • Ma’am, when I’m walking briskly by you and not making eye contact, it’s an excellent indication that I don’t wish to have one of your free samples, so please don’t call after me. I’m sure it tastes good. Everything I’ve ever bought at Costco has. And while Costco is perhaps the least unpleasant bricks-and-mortar store I regularly enter, from the second I do so part of me is still fantasizing about getting the hell out. I don’t enjoy routine shopping very much. Having a free sample of Yummyburger prolongs it. Thank you for understanding.

You might also like:

6 thoughts on “Grumpy”

  1. On the juicy-butt girl – I have an acquaintance with a 6 year old girl who was wearing that crap. He told me his wife lets her, but that he is very uncomfortable. He said, when he sees young girls and his eyes are drawn to their butts, it freaks him out. I told him he needed to tell his wife asap how he felt about it. Of course he won’t.

    It is very common at dance to see little girls with DIVA or HOTTIE on their butts. My daughter knows the schtick. I won’t even let her have a doll whose belly button shows.

    Jeez! Don’t perv your kids.

    Reply
  2. Not a fan of reading people’s rear – ends either. And you see SO much of it on little girls. Its seems to be asking and even enticing the wrong kind of publicity.

    Although I’m sure manly-wear with things like “Hot dog” and “Long-Dong Silver” printed across the front, or on the fly-flap of guys shorts – would be equally as disturbing…

    Reply
  3. Love it!

    Re: juicy-butt – I have never and will never let my 14 y/o daughter wear such attire. I disliked it when the girls in her dance class would show up wearing them. Ewwww!!!!

    BTW – my hubby does park across two spaces, but they are at the furthest end of the lot. Wouldn’t you know some bozo in a crapped out car parks right next to him.

    Reply
  4. Another reason to be grumpy: there’s a strange smell coming from somewhere in my apartment and I cannot, for the life of me, find the source. Grr..

    100% agreed on the juicy-butt stuff. No child of mine will EVER wear that shite.

    Reply

Leave a Comment

CAPTCHA


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

BoWilliams.com