Here are some potentially unfamiliar terms you may encounter when reading I’ll add to this list from time to time as the need arises.

-5, interj. A conversational deduction of five points for using a trite and/or clichéd word or phrase. The game’s full description and history are in this post.

Ball of the Belle, n.  The coolest band name I ever thought of.

Carefully crafted corporate whimsy, n. A display or other presentation of objects, images, or other manifestations which appears to be spontaneous, but which has in fact been brutally and systematically selected and processed over conference room tables, telephone lines, and computer networks in sustained and rigorously calculated efforts to separate you from your money. A good (and common) example is the selection of “antiques” hanging on the wall at your local Cracker Barrel. Walt Disney World is the Mecca of carefully crafted corporate whimsy. The Peoplequarium (see also) is frequently an extended, large-scale example.

Dudes and dolls, pl. n.  What I say sometimes instead of “ladies and gentlemen,” “folks,” or something similar.  I like it mostly because it’s alliterative.  There is no sexist intent.

Libego, n.  A combination of libido and ego that makes one do things like have sex with a seemingly endless string of cocktail waitresses and porn stars as if there will never be any consequences.  Coined for Tiger Woods.

Mayonnaise Day, n.  Celebrated annually on July 30.

Neflings, pl. n.  Collective term for nieces and nephews (like siblings for brothers and sisters).  My friend Miria coined it.

Peoplequarium, n. Any large-scale planned community, whether residential, commercial, industrial, or a combination of any of these. Providence and Bridge Street are two local (to examples.

Politiconium, n. The substance of pure politics. Ronald Reagan had a lot of it. The Clintons are composed entirely of it. Ron Paul hasn’t a tenth of a gram of it.

Procrasturbation, n.  Rather self-explanatory.  I didn’t write this one, but I absolutely love it.

SOC, n.  Some Other Conference (i.e., not the SEC).

Squirrel heap, n. The mental place where you pile miscellaneous tidbits. Example: “Hey, The Innocent Man is a rotten book.” “Thanks; I’ll toss that on my squirrel heap.”

Stuff-on-the-wall, n. An American restaurant with competently prepared but generally unremarkable American food; full table service; a bar; and often some wanly applied theme. The defining (and namesake) characteristic is miscellaneous crap hanging all over the place. Examples include TGIFriday’s, Ruby Tuesday, Applebee’s, and Darryl’s. More at this post.

Technical Writing Express, The, n.  Also TWE.  My 2008 Nissan Versa sedan.  Also known as “my ridiculous little clown car” and “my Deputy Dawg car.”  It’s the kind of car a perpetually irritated, bow-tied professor climbs out of.

UCRA, n. Acronym for U Can Rationalize Anything. Coined by my friend Dave.

Wicked watusi, n. The euphemism for sexual intercourse I thought of in my adolescence, and which I have tried to insert into the vernacular ever since. I’ve largely given up on it, though you still may see it from time to time.

 Posted by at 9:46 pm

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