Am I allowed to drink New Age beverages?

Or would I be busted as a poseur when I tried to buy them?

If I hold one up to my ear, can I hear warmed-over Muzak mixed with surf sounds?  Do I have to be running around in the woods wearing a loincloth and stinking of sandalwood to drink one?  Do they come with free waves of positive and uplifting energy from The Universe?  Do they help me out with my tai chi, feng shui, and egg foo young?  Will I start babbling about “opening myself like a lotus flower” or some shit?

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