Regular readers know I’m very serious about wedding vows. I believe they are the greatest earthly commitment a person can make, and I can get just as sad or as mad as I want thinking about how all too many of us treat that commitment anymore.
Our pastor’s sermon this morning was on marriage. One eye-opener therein for me was that Alabama has the second-highest divorce rate of any state. Only Nevada has more (which isn’t much victory, when you think about the marriage culture of Las Vegas). He spent some time on the infamous “wives must submit to their husbands” verses, which are not particularly controversial when sensibly read. He advised husbands to help out more around the house and wives to be more encouraging, citing research naming those as the most common respective complaints.
The thing that hit home most for me—not personally, but thinking of more than one couple with whom I’m personally acquainted—was his report of the typical state of the couple who sat before him for “counseling” for the first time. By the time they got there, it was over. They wanted him to hold their hands while they got divorced, not try to help them save their union. They had waited far too long to get help.
Folks, it’s not a sprint. It’s an endurance run—and you do have to run. Ensuring that you’re still meeting one another’s needs is an ongoing process. “All You Need Is Love” is a great song, but cohabitating and being in love isn’t enough. Make sure your definition of love includes regular maintenance. If things get off-kilter, talk about it. I know it’s not fun, and it may even be superficially easier in the short term to ignore it. Please, please find the courage to broach the subject. It’ll always be worse later.
“Fireproof doesn’t mean the fire will never come. It means when the fire comes that you will be able to withstand it.” – Ken Bevel as Michael Simmons, Fireproof
I thank God daily for the blessing that is my beautiful wife Lea, and the union we share. I wish you similar joy. Happy Valentine’s Day.
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Well written, Bo. Y’all enjoy each other for a long, long time.
Thanks so much, kemtee. I wish the same for you. We’re closing on 13 years, and I don’t pretend that we have it all figured out, but I think we’ve got a lot of what trips couples up sussed. And really, I believe that the bottom line is that if two people share a truly deep commitment to making it work, it’s almost impossible to fail.
I forgot to mention something my pastor brought up that I wanted to include. He told the story of a Japanese cruise line that offered two-week and month-long cruises specifically for couples who were new empty nesters. Well, it didn’t take them long to start carrying a few marriage counselors on every voyage. Finally, they devised the three-day practice cruise, which you were strongly encouraged to take before you bit off the two-week or month-long one. 🙂