When I was about 8, I got it in my head that “fucking” was a man and a woman kissing with no shirts on.
Kids think the darnedest things.
Actually, I have a good idea how that happened. An infrequent (I think once, actually) babysitter of ours was thrilled with the fact that we had HBO, and spent a lot of her time with us watching it. Though I haven’t seen the movie since (so, most of 30 years ago), I remember a scene in The Great Texas Dynamite Chase that fits the description. Seems like it was at a gas station. I don’t remember whether she told me that’s what it was, or the word was used onscreen, or some combination, but I’m pretty sure that such is the font from which that particular misinformation sprang.
Maybe a year later, I was riding with my dad up Greenbrier Mountain and said, out of the blue: “Daddy, what’s a prick teaser?” (I had gotten Queen’s The Game for my birthday, and the song “Don’t Try Suicide” includes this term in its lyrics.) My dad, truly the most consistently unflappable person I’ve ever known, just answered the question, just as if I’d asked him what we were having for lunch. He said something like “A prick teaser is a woman who makes a man believe that she will have sex with him, but then never does.” Well, I didn’t know what any of that meant, but it had been a casual question anyway, so I didn’t pursue it further.
Not long after that, one Saturday morning just before dawn I was watching The Three Stooges (until high school, I was up almost every morning at 5:30). Dad got up early, came downstairs, and we had The Talk about where babies come from, the kinds of relationships that grown-ups have, and so forth. It was unhurried, calm, and complete. We talked as long as I wanted, and whenever I had a question, he answered it.
I’ve remembered that from time to time and thought it worthy of emulation. I’ve got a few years yet before I’ll have to give The Talk, but I had a great role model for it.
I wonder what my boys’ goofy beliefs and inadvertently awkward questions will be? I wonder whether I’ll know where said beliefs and questions came from?
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HI THERE…. I am the MOM of 4 sons (and one daughter) and “the talk” is lots of fun!! I love your sense of humor (bacardi in their juice) but seriously dimetap works just as well! lol Have a great day, just thought I would say HI~
Mom
Thanks for your kind words, Mom, and welcome! Pleased to “meet” you.
Oh God – you wanna have the talk with my son? Because he runs away every time the topic comes up. Geez. I guess that means he isn’t ready?
My mom was just as straightforward and forthcoming about it as my dad was, but I still never wanted to talk to her about it. Mr. Saintseester might need to get this nod?
Uh no – he’s tried to. With him my son rolls around on the floor, in agony and tries to bury himself under the rug!
I got it! Do it in the car.
So, I am in the car right now passing time on the way to Cincinnati. This particular passage has so many memories for me. I remember listening to that album with you. I think I was more stunned with the fact that they sang “damn” in that song that I missed any other “vulgarities.” I also distinctly remembering having no idea what you meant when you told me that you had just had “the talk” with your dad! Dude, I’m ready for us to meet up!
Won’t be long, man. I’m looking forward to it too. We need to make that a very full day.