Please don’t do this when you’re catching up with me

One of my favorite things about the Web is the plethora of mechanisms therein for catching up with people from your past (Classmates.com, MySpace, etc.). I really enjoy reestablishing contact with an old classmate, friend, or the like. In many cases I have something to share with a person about what s/he meant to me at the time, or that person’s ongoing influence in my life (like the large degree to which my favorite babysitter Danette’s musical tastes shaped mine, for example), or something similar. It’s usually a lot of fun.

But it hurts my feelings and pisses me off when I write what is often a thoughtful and considered message to such a someone, and then that someone never replies. I feel screwed and never called again.

To be clear: I’m not talking about people who never get back to you, or who do, but tepidly. You don’t want to correspond for whatever reason, that’s fine. Really. I won’t force it and make it all weird. I’m talking about folks who initially respond enthusiastically, and then slink away without reciprocating after you’ve caught them up on what’s going on your life.

I’ve just let the same person do it to me for the second time in less than two years. Just call me a slow study.

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4 thoughts on “Please don’t do this when you’re catching up with me”

  1. I’ve been on both ends of it. I’m usually thrilled to hear from someone from the distant past, but rarely enough to maintain any sort of regular contact with them. Even if I’m the one reaching out, I usually don’t expect more than a couple of emails back and forth. I’m not excusing this behavior, but people lead busy lives, often aren’t natural at keeping correspondence, and the old adage “out of sight, out of mind” comes into play.

    Reply
  2. Saintseester: surely once in a while you’re pleased. 🙂

    Jeremy: I’m with ya. I’m talking only about: initial, positive contact is made (either by you or by the other party); you write thoughtfully; and then the other party doesn’t respond at all.

    I don’t even want regular contact. I’m pretty much set on friends, social circles, etc.; most people past a certain age are. I’m just talking about reciprocation of the catch-up message, after an enthusiastic initial contact. Somebody responds with “oh, yeah, hey, good to hear from you”–that’s not the guy I mean. I’m talking about someone seemingly genuinely pleased to hear from you, and then not bothering to exchange ONE real message.

    Reply
  3. good post, bo. we won’t lose track of each now….you live too close and we share way too many memories! see you at Mcwane or the Space Center with the families in tow, my friend!

    Reply

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