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Mistresses of the Hiatus

Given the imminent (and hopefully temporary) complete absence of previous-formula Diet Mountain Dew from store shelves, there is naturally a lot of talk about what jilted Diet Dew drinkers will buy instead. I've noticed that many petition signatures include comments on alternatives, and I get a handful of questions on the topic every week at (email address removed). So, here is a look at some of what else is out there.

Previous-formula Diet Mountain Dew's appeal was wide, and the drink enjoyed many fans for many reasons. For simplicity, this piece discusses diet soft drinks with caffeine, which is what I believe a majority of previous-formula Diet Mountain Dew fans were after. I don't expect that too many of us will find a permanent substitute here. I merely offer this as a primer on what to hop around to here and there while we're waiting for the fog of boneheadedness to lift in Purchase. Nevertheless, if you find another drink that you like just as much as previous-formula Diet Mountain Dew, then congratulations. As my stash of the previous formula dwindles, I'm sure I'm going to wish I could.

No PepsiCo products are examined. I have a well-informed opinion of three qualifying PepsiCo products, but as I'm not purchasing them and don't wish to encourage others to do so, even indirectly, I'll not mention them by name at all.

Vault Zero has been recommended by several site visitors. I didn't have any luck finding it the first couple of times I looked, but finally had one last week. The label claims it's a "hybrid energy soda" or somesuch. Hmmm. I'm not sure what that means. I didn't see anything but standard diet soft drink stuff in the list of ingredients except carob bean gum, which I'm more accustomed to seeing in ice cream. It's sweetened with aspartame and acesulfame potassium. So what's it like? Um...erm. It's not terrible. I finished the one I bought. It was wet and more interesting than water while I worked on my Tuesday morning stuff. "Wet and more interesting than water"; "not terrible"; what a ringing endorsement, eh? I wasn't wowed by my first Vault Zero, but neither did I find it offensive. It's got a good shot of traditional heavy citrus about it, and it's a little sweeter than previous-formula Diet Mountain Dew. Most of the impact seems to be in the middle of the experience; it's not strong on the front end and I experienced little aftertaste. The bottle has a pleasing, easy-to-grab shape, and of all the sodas I've ever reviewed, this is certainly one of them. (Longtime Stereo Review readers will get that.) Official NewDietDewIsYucky.com Grade: C

Diet Sun-drop, a regionally available heavy citrus and the diet version of the drink that Mountain Dew was a copy of in the first place, is what's getting more of my business than any other right now. It's noticeably sweeter than previous-formula Diet Mountain Dew, but its threshold of offense is fairly high. I've had a 2-liter in one sitting on more than one occasion. Its sweeteners are aspartame and orange juice. Now Diet Mountain Dew has orange juice in it too, but I mention it in this context as a sweetener because there must be a fair amount in Diet Sun-drop, as it is not non-caloric. There are 5 calories in 8 oz., so a 2-liter has about 42 calories in it. (Not exactly mowing through a box of Krispy Kremes, but not like our dear departed Diet Dew either.) See if it's available in your area, because for now, this is as good as it gets. Official NewDietDewIsYucky.com Grade: B+

I had a Diet Sunkist once in a while before our Diet Mountain Dew tragedy, and I'm having one once in a while now. I drank a bunch of orange Fanta from returnable 10-oz. bottles whilst running around my local YMCA as a tot, and it reminds me a lot of that. This is another aspartame/acesulfame potassium double-barreler, and if the intent is to make something that doesn't taste diet, call it a success. Diet Sunkist is quite sweet, and though I haven't had a regular Sunkist in quite some time, I can't imagine it being much different. That sweetness, though pleasant in moderation, is exactly what does Diet Sunkist in as a day-in, day-out replacement for previous-formula Diet Dew. "Too much" comes far too soon. Also, this Alpha Orange color doesn't come out of cotton blends very well at all. Official NewDietDewIsYucky.com Grade: B-

I suppose Diet Coke is the 800-lb. gorilla in the room here. Kudos to Coca-Cola for doing the correct thing with a different formula in hand: deploying the new formula side-by-side with the old. Today you can buy two different formulas of Diet Coke in many markets. (I remain confident we'll get the same thing with Diet Mountain Dew eventually, though waiting for it won't be pleasant.) I can drink Diet Coke anytime in polite company and will occasionally get in a mood for it and drink a few in a week, but such is rare. It's just never been my favorite; something about the balance of carbonation and flavor has always seemed off to me. Official NewDietDewIsYucky.com Grade: C

Diet Dr Pepper was aspartame only the last time I had any of it, which has been a couple of weeks ago at this writing. Heard some rumblings here and there that a sucralose version might be coming. Anyway, if you're a big fan of whatever flavor Dr Pepper is (I'm not), then this is your drink. The regular product is just a bit sweeter, but the difference is one of linear degree. Diet Dr Pepper tastes as if it arrived at its sweetness with sugar, but just a little less of it. I don't taste any diet drink artifacts at all here. Despite that, my big affection for Dr Pepper ran out at about 13 years old, and though I'll still jump to this one from time to time during the hiatus, it's never going to be a first-stringer. Official NewDietDewIsYucky.com Grade: C+

Diet Cherry Coke is in a bit of an unfair position with me. Regular Cherry Coke is one of my favorite "full strength" soft drinks, so I can't help but look at the diet product in that context. Nice on the front end and in the middle, but the aftertaste is just prominent enough to remind me that I didn't get the real thing. Official NewDietDewIsYucky.com Grade: C-

Lots else to look at here, of course. Lemon and lime colas are popular right now, in both regular and diet versions, and there's the roll-your-own option of coffee and/or tea sweetened with this or that. Or you could drink water and take No-Doz, I suppose. Nevertheless, I'll stop here and note again the absurdity of having to think about this at all. Diet Mountain Dew was so automatic for so long, and now it's gone. We are not going quietly, PepsiCo. Bring it back!

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