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On Hoarding

I wasn't going to hoard any previous-formula Diet Mountain Dew. The latest freshness date for it that anyone has reported is May 15, so it wasn't going to be out there much longer anyway, so why bother? Soon enough I would have to deal with its absence, and spending several hundred dollars on what I could now wouldn't make any sense when most of it would be less than pleasant by the time I got around to it.

I have a confession to make. I've been complaining about the substitutes I've been enduring since the formula change, and I've really only had to change part of my habits so far. The previous formula has been, and remains, for sale at my local Costco. I've continued to drink it at work, but I've only been buying it a case or two at a time, just like I always did. All of the subs have been at home and on the go. Call it a slow adjustment to (hopefully temporary) reality.

I've considered at some length what it will be like to be without it, and how much I might regret not hoarding it when I had the chance. Finally, that feeling was in the driver's seat today when I walked by the soft drinks at Costco, and I dropped eight cases in the cart. The freshness date on them is May 8. I left three cases at work and brought five home.

Eight cases would normally last me a little more than three weeks. I'm going to try to stretch these twice that long, though, perhaps bringing in Diet Sun-drop as my "permanent temporary" dither drink. Diet Dew, then Diet Sun-drop. Repeat pattern 192 times. That will put me in business until mid-May, at which point all of the good stuff really will be gone.

'Course, by then Jeremy at FightForFlavor.com and I will have our own cable television show and a worldwide, multi-million dollar advertising campaign, so we should have PepsiCo right where they want them—pleading with us to announce the introduction of Diet Mountain Dew Classic on our show. We'll be glad to, ladies and gentlemen. You know where to get us.

It's bizarre looking at this largish pile of good Diet Dew sitting in my garage and thinking that I really will be out of it soon. Once I get down to my last six or so, I may have to pursue and obtain Quiet Time and start drinking them out of a snifter.

What absurd thoughts about my beloved beverage these would have been only six short weeks ago. End this madness, PepsiCo!

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