Thursday miscellanea #100

• Stop saying ginormous.  It’s a completely unnecessary non-word.
• The rain is welcome, but I wish it would bring significantly cooler air behind it.
• We do have only low 90s right now, and nothing past mid-90s is forecast.  I am thankful for that.
• What’s the best Wings song?  Sometimes I think “Band on the Run”; other times I think “Live and Let Die.”
• Speaking of, did you know Weird Al Yankovic has “Chicken Pot Pie” in the can, but Paul McCartney politely refuses to let him do it?
• I left a message earlier today for someone asking if she could greet at second service this Sunday.  She called me back and politely informed me that she had moved to Louisiana.  Guess not.
• I’m 39 years old and have never set foot in Louisiana.  Drives Saintseester crazy.
• Is the World Cup over yet?
• My dad’s been so funny to watch with their dog, Cleo.  He’s never been a dog person before, but he’s definitely one now.
• You ever see a consumer product (laundry detergent, lunch meat, or whatever) with slightly revised label graphics and proclaiming “New Look!”?  Isn’t that vaguely pathetic?  Just start using the new look, please; no explicit announcement necessary.  No one’s going to make a purchase decision because the graphics look different.
• Locals, when are they going to be done with the Von Braun Center?  Doesn’t it seem like it’s been torn up for 20 years?
• It’s too bad Dr. Laura is just self-destructive enough to keep it in the ditch.  We certainly do need more, not less, of what she has to say about individual responsibility.
• Everyone remembers Pop Rocks.  Few seem to remember Space Dust, which was at least as popular in my neighborhood.
• Today is Cost of Government Day.  Today is the 231st day of the year.  If you’re not appalled, you’re not paying attention.
• When was the last time I looked up a telephone number in a physical directory?  I couldn’t tell you.  I expect that soon, you’ll have to “opt in” to continue receiving one.
• I think location-based functionality in social networking is a bad, bad idea.
• Caught some of the Braves/Nationals game last night and really enjoyed it.  Even if Major League Baseball lost my sustained support with the 1994 strike, the game itself remains entertaining television.
• I learned recently that the red-tailed shark, a common aquarium fish, has been extinct in the wild for quite some time.  That’s strange to consider.
• Don’t you hate that wheeze/whiff of ozone when a small appliance is dying?  It’s about blender time at our house.
• I told Nathan tonight about Brian and me jumping on the back bumper of the ice cream truck in our neighborhood, because he couldn’t make it up this one hill if one of us was back there.  He got out and chased us once.  I feel bad about it now.
• A colleague ruined The Book of Eli for me today.  Out of the Netflix queue it comes.
• Have you ever considered that it’s really the unpredictability that generates most of the enjoyment of having your back scratched?  She’s not doing anything you couldn’t do yourself, in one way or another, except you know what you’re going to do.
• Someone come over and systematically arrange a whole lot of music that I like on a couple of MP3 CDs for the car.
• I’ve found that multi-tool/pocket knife bliss is carrying two small ones—one folding out into scissors, the other into pliers—instead of one big one.
• Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is an excellent example of a film I want to see, but for which I’m confident the big screen will add no value whatsoever.
• All right, I’ve had it.  Now I’m actively rooting against Brett Favre.
• Nathan and I talked about motorcycle helmet laws all the way to soccer practice this week.  We discussed that just because something is a good idea doesn’t necessarily mean it should be a law.  How subversive of me!
• Can you name all of the 50 states from memory?  That wasn’t any problem for me.
• How about all of the presidents?  The first time I tried, I missed Benjamin Harrison.
• How about all of the countries of the world?  I’ve never tried, but I bet that would be a poor showing for me.  I’d hope for 80%, and might realistically get to 70%.
• Why does a telephone keypad have 7-8-9 at the bottom, but a calculator has 1-2-3?  No one knows for sure, but here are a few theories.
• I told someone I had “tweeted” something the other day.  That didn’t go well.  Is there a less masculine verb?  “Sashay”?  “Pirouette”?
• I wish I could read It again for the first time.  I think that’s my second-favorite King novel, behind The Stand.
• Do the smells of Play-Doh and Crayola crayons take you back like they do me?
• Do you remember learning specific things?  I do.  Today I was thinking of when my grandfather taught me to read a compass.
• I just couldn’t get enough of Chelsea’s wedding.  Could you?
• Yardwork before I go to work in the morning sounds like a really good idea the night before.
• Still playing Qix once in a while, much to the boys’ chagrin.  Apparently it isn’t much of a spectator’s game.
• Nathan’s soccer field got a lot bigger this year, and his coach is a lot more serious about teaching them the game, and he’s actually getting into the boys a little bit from time to time when they need it.  Nathan’s responding very well to that.
• Mike’s is not “Lemonade for Grown-Ups.”  It’s “Beer for Sissies.”
• I have a Facebook friend who has as one of her favorite quotes “I’ve said my peace and counted to three,” from O Brother, Where Art Thou? I’ve always thought that vaguely unfortunate, because clearly it should be “piece.”  Except I recently learned that I was totally wrong.  Or, I might not be.  It’s an issue of considerable contention.
• I just friended a friend’s dog on Facebook, at the dog’s request.  I’m just not sure about that.
• What do you like on a hot dog?  I generally go with mustard, onions, and relish myself.  I read somewhere once that ketchup is considered an unsophisticated choice, acceptable only up to age 10 or so.
• Speaking of unsophisticated choices, I wouldn’t trade Animal House for all the opera in the world.
• How come it took so long to think of ketchup in a squeeze bottle?  Doesn’t that seem like the obvious dispenser?  Remember struggling with the 10-lb. glass jug?
• Remember, we start losing incandescent light bulbs from the market year after next.  Are you ready?
• Alabama beach reports have been steadily positive for a while.  Maybe we’ll get down there this year after all.
• Overdue for a trip to Costco.
• The Sex Pistols are the worst case of the emperor’s new clothes in rock ‘n’ roll.  The Grateful Dead are runners-up.
• I was thinking the other day about how relatively infrequently our boys get to interact with big trees.  I mean, they’re there when we go for a hike, or geocaching, or whatever, but they don’t have them in their yard and at school like I did.
• Remember the Pennsylvania school that issued camera-equipped laptops to all of its students, then took secret photographs with them?  No criminal charges will be filed.  (They took 56,000 photographs, by the way.)
• Boise State vs. Virginia Tech looks like the most interesting opening weekend game to me.
• The boys are obsessed with the Fushigi Ball.  I think I may get one just as a concrete example of the difference between television and reality.
• Haven’t been to the shooting range in too long.  I think I might get a Glock 23 for my birthday next year.
• Jack Cafferty is as flat and one-dimensional as any “commentator” I’ve ever seen/read.  The size of his audience depresses me.
• I mentioned the 300-mph club in a recent post, and here are some folks chasing it.
• Everyone of my generation likes Mr. Mister’s “Broken Wings” except me.
• You know that guy who has to be in charge of every single game or activity, no matter how casual, and he winds up sucking all of the fun right out of it, because he’s hyper-competitive, hyper-systematic, or both?  Yeah, don’t be that guy.
• Next time you’re in the grocery store at a busy time, listen to all of the beeping from the scanners.  Remember when it wasn’t there, and it was all mechanical cash register racket?  Doesn’t that seem like a hundred years ago?
• Nick Saban:  Gamechanger premieres next week.  No word on whether Governor Riley has yet had the good sense to declare a state holiday.
• The power line moonbats have now targeted Wi-Fi.
• The jaguar is the third-largest cat in the world, but its bite is by far the most powerful.  Did you know they were once all over the southwestern U.S.?
• I fear our pervasive mysophobia will consume us.  How in the world did we ever survive without containers of hand sanitizer on our grade school playgrounds?
• Chaka Khan really has a luminous and beautiful smile.
• We had a welcome lunch for two people in the group at work, and I had painstakingly convinced two hesitant takers that Vietnamese was a lovely cuisine, and they would indeed get full.  So then the plate of pho garnishes was delivered with a live caterpillar on it.
• It’s hard to believe that as far as we’ve come with television entertainment, the switch back and forth between local and national commercials is still so clunky.
• I just discovered Phyllis Chesler.  Lots of good stuff there.
• Ever play with the random article link on Wikipedia?  Sometimes I can go 18 or 20 in a row without hitting anything I’ve ever heard of.
• I told the boys on the way to church last Sunday about a high school classmate who had a dune buggy as his sole transportation for a while.  It was a kick to see him headed to work, in slacks and a button-down.
• Speaking of, ever in your life spend any winter time in an original Volkswagen Beetle?  You remember the heater control levers between the seats?  Do you think they really did anything besides take your mind off how cold you were?
• My frequent childhood babysitter had a baby blue VW.  I’ve looked for her periodically on Facebook and so forth, but never found her.  I’d love to know how she’s doing, and I’d love to share with her how much she ended up guiding my popular music tastes.
• Our gas bill is nearly nothing right now.  It’s just for hot water, of course, and when the water starts at 80º…
• It appears that women’s boots are going to stay in for another season, and I’m delighted.  I still want big hair back, though.  Y’all work on that, ladies.
• We’re getting another massive Peoplequarium.  Presumably there are investors, so presumably the math is plausible, but sheesh, this one is just almost shouting distance from Bridge Street.  Let’s make sure, folks.  I don’t care for rotting hulks of buildings.
• The mosquitoes are out there, but much milder than my memories of the worst years.  I’m thankful for that.
• I did eat ramen again recently.  It was, unfortunately, delicious.
• One of my Oshkosh roomies asked for Goody’s powders at a quick-rip, and they had no idea what he was talking about.
• Somewhere south of Oshkosh, we drove through a wind farm with perhaps 50 turbines total on both sides of the road.  If you paid close attention and deliberately compensated for the movement of the car, you could see that a few of them were turning.
• I don’t understand soap that smells like food.  What a cruel joke for a small child waiting to happen.
• Speaking of, is washing a child’s mouth out with soap a felony yet?  We’ve never done that (and won’t), but it happened to me a couple of times.
• The boys are headed to a bowling birthday party soon.  I “keep getting around” to taking them to the nice alley I have access to because of my job, and I never have.  Now I’m feeling bad about that.  Well, I’m going with them to the party.
• I try hard to stay away from short-lived linguistic inanities here.  I did “wait for it” once, and still feel dirty about it.
• If you get to a traffic light, the power is out, and a law enforcement officer is not directing traffic, treat it as a four-way stop.  That is the law in all 50 states.  You’re welcome.
• Speaking of police, have you heard about the purpose-built Carbon E7 police cruiser?  They’re built to last twice as long, but they cost twice as much.  Given the mentalities I suspect most municipal and county budget decision-makers have, that sounds like a really sorry business model.
• Have I ever mentioned to you that I judge people with certain ringtones?  If your phone rings and I hear the standard AT&T tune or the standard Nokia tune, I silently lament your lack of imagination.
• Glass roads?  It could happen.
• I’ve been alive for about 17% of the total time of existence for the United States of America.  Little something to think about, isn’t it?
• My friend Charles is organizedly and sustainedly grooming his abilities as a stand-up comic.  I’m excited about it.  Do it to it, sir.
• I have in hand exactly one friend’s review of The Expendables, and it’s a good one.  I also have “gratuitously savage, implausible and sometimes incoherent.” Is that supposed to warn me off it?
• I’m showing the boys TRON sometime soon, so they’ll be ready for TRON:  Legacy this Christmas break.
• No one should sing Jim Steinman songs except Meat Loaf.
• Do guys wind up with bad hairpieces because no close friend or family member will tell them how crappy they look?  Or do they tell them, and the wearers don’t believe them?
• Dad and I replaced the driver’s window regulator in Lea’s van this past weekend.  I found the part online for $65 delivered.  His assistance probably saved me $250.  Thanks, man.  I really appreciate it.
• During our post-work beer, we discussed the American auto industry, and how the ability to turn a Silverado into a Tahoe for $8,000, then charge a $20,000 premium for it, probably delayed the bankruptcies by as much as five or ten years.
• I’m older now than he was when my parents divorced.  That’s an interesting thing to note.
• Zing Zang is the finest Bloody Mary mix on the planet.  Nothing else is even close.  Yes, I know it’s more expensive.  Buy it anyway.  Cocktails are luxuries in the first place, and if you’re going to take me to the mat over $4 vs. $6 a bottle for mix, then you’re a yo-yo anyway.
• It’s getting harder and harder to blow Nathan’s mind, but I did it the other day when I told him that thunder and lightning were the sound and sight of the same thing.
• I guess one of my favorite characters of all time, Artie, was a pretty close approximation of Rip Torn in at least one way.  They both appear to be raging alcoholics.  Get better, man.
• I suppose you’ve long ago figured out that there are 100 entries in this week’s installment.
• Well, now there are.  Thank you for reading WmWms.  I’m so delighted to have you.  Bloggers want to be read, and you do read, and I really appreciate it.

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