I swear, I’ve encountered the term “cougar” (meaning woman somewhere north of 35 or so who “stalks” much younger men, not large cat of the western United States) practically hourly this week. Isn’t that weird when that happens?
Young single men, let me tell you something about cougars. This is the truth. What have I to gain lying to you? So take notes.
She doesn’t want you for a long-term love and commitment thing, so don’t want her for one. You’ll wind up with your heart obliterated, and she’ll wonder what the hell you’re making such a fuss about, when everything was fine two days ago. Seen it happen—in four-camera Technicolor. Wanted to kick the guy right in the ass for not appropriately appreciating what he had.
Just go with it. Have a good time. Exploit without apology her knowledge of fine dining, spirits, and the local arts. Waste no time wondering what you’re going to say to her parents, because I assure you, you’ll never be in the same room with them. There are men you take home and there are men you just take, and you are the latter. Have no illusion about that. You are almost certainly being used. Have no illusion about that either.
But if you can keep your big stupid heart out of it, you’ll always remember this relationship fondly. Why is that?
Because odds are excellent it’ll be some of the best sex of your life.
The sweet spot is three to twelve months from her divorce. You don’t want to go inside three, because there’s a non-negligible chance she’ll still be weepy. You don’t want to go outside twelve, because there’s a non-negligible chance she’ll be looking for something serious. You want that time in which she’s feeling better, but not ready to commit; that “something to prove” phase.
Yeah. You do. Trust me.
Find it, go with it, and mourn not its inevitable loss. Relive its visceral memories a thousand times.
You’re welcome.
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There was a night over a year or so ago working at the mall when I made the remark to my (male) boss, “God, it is just a COUGAR night tonight.” He then sheepishly admitted that as often as he’d heard the term, he didn’t know what it meant. I explained it, and then pointed out a couple of examples in rapid succession.
(I just know there are going to be remarks about my sexism soon to follow here… “Oh, you can tell who’s a cougar just by looking at them, huh?”)
When I related that story to my wife, it then reminded her that there were terms she had heard that she didn’t know the meaning to, and could I please explain them to her?
Do you have any idea how awkward it is to explain to your wife what snowballing is? 🙂
Is it internet cougar day today, or something? All my plurk buds have cougar names today. I suppose I could go ask them, or I could remain here wondering what’s up with that.
nhfalcon: Better you than me, man. Though I think I’d ask her where she heard that. 🙂
‘seester: It’s bizarre. I swear, I’ve encountered someone using “cougar” in this context 50 times this week.
nhfalcon – I don’t think that qualifies as sexism. Refusing to wait on her would be sexism. Asking her if she were smart enough or had enough money to buy what you were selling is sexism…and really, really stupid if you are working on commission. Stating the obvious is not sexism. Plus, I don’t think it’s necessarily a slam to call a woman a cougar.
What I find interesting (or peculiar or whatever) is that a lot of the same folk who heaped such disdain upon older men for dating younger women, gleefully accept and generally think it’s a great thing that older women are now dating younger men. So which was it, wrong in principle, or were you just pissed off because your side hadn’t yet received its invitation to the party?
Lee: I don’t think there’s anything wrong in principle with it, as long as the participants in such a relationship are honest with each other. I think it’s the person who’s pointing at two happy people minding their own business and crying foul just based on an age difference who has the problem.