Citing a need to prevent catastrophic damage to the U.S. economy, Congress today announced a plan to bail out petroleum and energy services giant ExxonMobil. “The severe decline in gasoline demand and accompanying drop in price has placed tremendous strain on ExxonMobil,” spokesman Benjamin Dover said Sunday. “If we are to continue delivering quarterly profits … Read more
Penn State (11-1) has won the Big Ten and earned a Rose Bowl berth. Joe Paterno has announced that he will return in 2009 for his 60th season coaching Penn State football, and his 44th season as the head coach. Who can argue? I should have spoken up and looked like a genius. I didn’t … Read more
Hey, did you see where the colossal dumbass college student climbed into the panda exhibit for a hug, and wound up in the hospital for days with bites all over his arms and legs? Story here. “Yang Yang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him. I didn’t expect he would attack,” Liu … Read more