I review a book once in a while on BoWilliams.com, but I can’t recall ever posting a “pre-review” before I’m done with it, as I’m doing right now with Primal Loss: The Now-Adult Children of Divorce Speak by Leila Miller.
My parents divorced in February 1982. I was not quite 11 years old. My younger sister had just turned 8. It was easily the most significant event of my childhood, and I have many memories of the way things were before vs. the way they were after. Furthermore, I have strong opinions on it—some longstanding, others more recently formed.
It’s rather difficult to write or talk about it without sounding self-pitying, and to a significant degree I sympathize with those who would say so. We play the cards we’re dealt.
But this book is also an important counter to a lot of “progressive” thought that says things like concern about children should be an input into the decision, though perhaps not a primary one. Or, my favorite: “kids are resilient.” Yes, kids bounce back because for the most part, human beings bounce back—but that doesn’t mean they’re the same.
The book is not fun to read (how could it be?). I am nevertheless enjoying it because I’m finding kindred spirits saying things I completely understand—and in a few cases, vocalizing thoughts I’ve always had but never expressed.
More to come in a full review soon.