Did you know we have an alternative music festival in northern Alabama?  The Acoustic Cafe started in 1996, and has recently moved to a site in rural Marion County.  It happens again next weekend—May 25 and 26.

I learned of The Acoustic Cafe from a friend of mine.  She mentioned it not to tell me about the music, but to entertain me with stories of her attendance experience.  You see, festival owner Steve Masterson rules The Acoustic Cafe with an iron fist.  The “three-day village of harmony, love, and tolerance” has a whole bunch of rules, and you better follow ‘em, buddy boy:

If you think this is a place where you can come and get wild, we do not want you here. If you had rather talk while sitting in front of the stage instead of listening to music, we do not want you here. If you can’t deal with your trash and recyclables in the proper manner, we do not want you here. If you are one of those people who think you are special and the rules do not apply to you – well, you guessed it – we do not want you here.

Is there a bit of sadistic pleasure in there?  Would you believe this guy actually polices the crowd and shushes people?

I thought surely my friend was overplaying it just a little bit for comedic effect.  Then, she shared with me email she received earlier this week, from Steve to his list.  (The email subject is Now that we got your money.)  Quoting:

Well now that we got your ticket money we don’t have to be near so nice to you. You new people need to know a few things, come prepared to take care of yourself. Try to bring as little trash as possible. For instance if you have bought a new air mattress take it out of the box at home instead of throwing the box away up here. It will make it easier on us. DO NOT BRING GLASS. Think how bad it would ruin your weekend if we took you [sic] cooler full of glass bottles. Do what you are told to do by our people when you arrive. Our goal is to get your vehicle parked and settled in.

I think the most telling bit is the directive about the air mattress box.  That serves no interest but feeding someone’s freak—as in control.

I have written before of homeowners’ associations, and specifically my belief that they tend to attract people who crave power but have been unable to achieve it in any other area of their lives.  It sounds as if dear Steve may have similar cravings (and attendant trouble satisfying them).  However, rather than worrying people incessantly about whether their window treatments are white or ivory, he charges them $50 to submit and be berated for the weekend (under the auspices of being a music lover).  Hey, give the guy credit for finding an original path through it all.

Tickets are $50 in advance, or $60 at the compound entrance gate.  If you’re into alternative music and recreational totalitarianism, it could be just what you should do with next weekend.