May 182017
 
 Posted by at 1:33 pm
May 172017
 

Personal liberty? Yeah, I’m a fan. I think everyone should be free to do with his/her time and money as s/he sees fit, so long as it does not infringe upon the rights of others. (But that doesn’t mean that if your personal choices beg for ridicule, that I won’t occasionally oblige you.)

Behold this Dodge Challenger, which I am reasonably assured is owned and operated by someone born earlier than 1995:

The muscle car phenomenon began 50 to 60 years ago, with American manufacturers putting upgraded powertrains (and, eventually, other bits) into pedestrian automotive platforms. Its 21st-century manifestation features retro styling—this Challenger strongly evokes one from the early ’70s—but not necessarily retro pricing. Young men don’t generally have the money to put together a car like this.

And here we have the big disconnect.

If a 20-something young man—dripping with attitude, coursing with testosterone, and still ejaculating a thousand times a year—emerged from this vehicle, he would look silly. But he would at least be understandable.

An old man just looks ridiculous.

Look, it’s not that it’s a Challenger. It’s not even that it’s yellow. (Well, maybe 5% of it is.) You have the means and want to get such a car, then go get one. I’ll (in my experience, justifiably) consider you a significantly elevated risk to be a jackass in traffic, and life will go on.

No, it’s the “prayer” on the front spoiler:

As I lay rubber down the street/I pray for traction I may keep/If I do begin to slide/Please dear God protect my ride. Amen

It’s that it’s meticulously parked in a handicap space, with no placard, decal, plate, or other credential entitling the driver to such.

It’s that it says MOVE OVER—helpfully printed backward, and with an arrow, to facilitate easier reading in rear-view mirrors of vehicles holding this very important man up.

(Let me tell you, nothing would make my testicles miserably retract more quickly into my pathetic, inferior body than seeing such a notice behind me. Yes, please, come through, you thrumming, powerful, alpha male. A thousand apologies for obstructing you. Please forgive me!)

It’s that this was the plan. It’s the intent. It’s that he’s being seen in this command-issuing car on purpose.

Really, man?

Well, I suppose if it’s this or cheat on your wife, you made the right call.

 Posted by at 11:52 am
May 042017
 

So Jimmy John’s subs were $1 on Tuesday this week. Recurring offers like this—the free Denny’s Grand Slam breakfast is another—intrigue me. I’m always surprised there are so many ostensibly well-adjusted people who will disrupt their lives to the degree required to stand in these long lines to save a couple of bucks on fast […]

 Posted by at 11:54 am
Apr 272017
 

Today is the sixth anniversary of the worst day of the Super Outbreak. On April 27, 2011, a record 218 tornadoes touched down, killing hundreds and erasing entire swaths of community in seconds. God be with those still grieving. And let us pray for continued deliverance from a similar event. Erin Moran, who played Joanie […]

 Posted by at 4:29 pm
Apr 242017
 

Here is a much better look at what we’re getting for our trade-in of Madison Square Mall to the universe. (If I figure out whether the video can be embedded later, I will.) No doubt this looks very appealing, and it’s amazing how well they can bring it to life with current technology, isn’t it? […]

 Posted by at 10:31 am

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