May 222016
 
  • It’s not important to me that he listen. I just want him to tell me what I should do.
  • I appreciate his helpful input on how I might improve my driving skills.
  • I really like that he’s secure enough in himself to wear jeans and a T-shirt, no matter what the occasion.
  • When he tells me to relax, I immediately feel relaxed.
  • I think of sex, what to make for dinner, and very little else.
  • I enjoy fart jokes.
  • I wish he would ask me which of my girlfriends I’d most like to make out with.
  • I’m just not sure about him. If only he would send me a photograph of his penis…
 Posted by at 2:25 pm
May 092016
 

I watch our dear sweet Governor Bentley’s Twitter account closely. There’s a baseline level of delusion about it, in that he continues to post little bits of his day—ribbon cuttings and what-not—as if he hasn’t thoroughly disgraced himself and Alabama. Just going about my business. Working so hard for you. Putting the guber in gubernatorial. […]

 Posted by at 2:51 pm
May 042016
 

Well, I went to check on our esteemed governor’s Twitter feed this morning, and was greeted with the following: That’s right. Governor Robert Bentley—ostensible leader of my state, fondler of ‘Bekah, dodger of Wanda, and a man I voted for twice—blocked me on Twitter. I can’t be sure which tweet finally pushed our favorite lecherous […]

 Posted by at 9:16 pm
Apr 182016
 

Dear Governor Bentley, I’m sad to say I’ve long since given up any significant moral expectations of people who run for national office. But I do hang onto a certain (admittedly silly) sentimentality about candidates for state office. Alabama, much maligned, both fairly and unfairly, is special to me. I love my state deeply. That […]

 Posted by at 3:41 pm

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