May 172016
 

I wrote once about these way-too-happy-all-the-time guys (it’s almost always men) who are eternally whistling, sauntering instead of walking, taking way too damned long to order lunch because they think the server genuinely wants to have a conversation, and so forth. Frequently there is overlap with Incremental Guy.

These people still piss me off more than anything else, and I’m not suggesting I’ve adopted anything like that kind of vibe when I say I’m feeling better about things day to day.

Not that I’m feeling upbeat and optimistic. Oh, no. Hervé Villechaize couldn’t have limboed under the bar we had set for presidential candidates, and we still managed to lower it—a bunch. Do you want to:

  • Drown in 60 feet of water, or 80 feet of water?
  • Jump out of the 70th floor, or the 50th floor?
  • Hit the 18-wheeler head-on at 100 mph, or 90 mph?

We’re not getting a president even remotely suitable for the office this year.

I can’t recall being this despondent this far out, so I think I’m getting centered sooner than usual. And my grand comfort is two simple statements, one enveloped by the other.

The envelopee is that my responsibilities to live prudently, to support my family, and so forth do not change, no matter who sits anywhere in Washington. My ability to influence my immediate world remains pretty steady, and I’ve still got to pick the ball up and run with it every day.

The enveloper is that the Bible tells us several times to trust God. And it tells us even more times not to be afraid. It’s hard to remember in strange and unpredictable times that God has a plan, but—duh—these are the times we’re supposed to remember it most.

I’ll add an important corollary directive: please be patient with each other. Both your conservative friends and your liberal friends are a bit resentful right now. This should have gone better for each of them. It was a ridiculously deep and talented Republican field. So what did we do? We inadvertently turned the whole thing over to a carnival barker, because by the time we realized he was a genuine threat it was too late. And, supporters of Hillary are living with a real threat of a federal indictment, and if the hammer comes down today, what’s plan B?

We need to remember that though we may think some people have bad ideas, for the most part they’re not bad people. They are reasonable people who have simply reached different conclusions from the ones we’ve reached. Ever notice that the worlds we say we want tend to look pretty similar? We just disagree on the best way to get there.

I’ll be expanding on this idea in the coming weeks. Please stay tuned.

 Posted by at 8:00 am
May 092016
 

I watch our dear sweet Governor Bentley’s Twitter account closely. There’s a baseline level of delusion about it, in that he continues to post little bits of his day—ribbon cuttings and what-not—as if he hasn’t thoroughly disgraced himself and Alabama. Just going about my business. Working so hard for you. Putting the guber in gubernatorial.

I paid extra attention yesterday because as silly as he sounds already, he was going to sound beyond outrageous if he dared to say anything about Mother’s Day. I was ready to ask him to recount how he treated the mother of his children, or whether he thought about Rebekah Mason being a mother while he fondled her breasts.

Perhaps retaining some (demonstrably rudimentary) grasp of political optics, he didn’t go there. Instead, he wrote a bizarre op-ed about how much he’s doing for us, and what he wants to get done “by the time I leave office in 2019.”

Yes, it really says that. It also says this:

“The Bible tells us in Proverbs 29:18, ‘Where there is no vision, the people perish.’ When you elected me to serve as your governor in 2010 and again in 2014, I told you I had no intention of being a ‘caretaker governor.’ I believe — I know — in my heart that I am serving out God’s purpose for my life, and that He placed me here to work for you and to solve the problems that have held our state back for decades. The Lord gave me a job to do, and I always want to work it with all my might. And that takes vision.”

I don’t think unhinged is too strong a word for this. The man is not operating in our reality.

There was another piece this morning on Bentley possibly using medical records illegally. It is full of people speaking on background, including this promising tidbit:

“At least four former aides have confirmed their continuing cooperation with federal law enforcement.”

One would think—hope—that if Robert Bentley is indicted on a federal charge, it will become impossible for him to continue to hold office.

His unrestrained gall has me wondering whether I’ve ever so badly wanted to see someone in prison fatigues and leg irons.

 Posted by at 2:51 pm
May 042016
 

Well, I went to check on our esteemed governor’s Twitter feed this morning, and was greeted with the following: That’s right. Governor Robert Bentley—ostensible leader of my state, fondler of ‘Bekah, dodger of Wanda, and a man I voted for twice—blocked me on Twitter. I can’t be sure which tweet finally pushed our favorite lecherous […]

 Posted by at 9:16 pm
Apr 252016
 

Well, everyone’s favorite lecherous pepaw has hung around long enough to get hisself his very own beer, complete with a delightfully suggestive logo! Salty Nut Brewery will offer Unimpeachable Pale Ale for a limited time, with swag available now. (You’ll perhaps recall dear Dr. Bentley’s fondness for touching soft, round things from his phone sex […]

 Posted by at 6:26 pm

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