Ten reasonable things we will never hear in Obama’s State of the Union

I gave some thought to live-blogging tonight’s State of the Union address on Twitter, but decided to pass. I could write it, frankly. Our esteemed president is relentlessly predictable. I expect zero surprises.

What would surprise me, though? Hmmm…

  • “By any reasonable measure, the Affordable Care Act is a failure. I look forward to working with Congress this year to make it work better for everyone.”
  • “We must reengage our allies worldwide, but particularly in the Middle East and northern Africa, where recent American policies have not produced consistently positive results.”
  • “This government will not behave as if an Orwellian surveillance state is necessary for the American people to be protected from terrorism. We will seek comprehensive reform of the National Security Agency and its practices this year.”
  • “It is prudent for any sovereign country to secure its borders. No immigration reform, no matter how well-intentioned, can succeed without that realization.”
  • “Revenue collection should be a sober and serious government task, executed without passion and utterly devoid of political pollution. The Obama administration’s IRS shall function in just that manner.”
  • “The Keystone pipeline is a potential economic juggernaut, and its construction embodies the reality that while it is important for us to continue vigorous pursuit of clean energy, we must also work with petroleum today as cleanly and efficiently as possible.”
  • “One’s success neither necessitates nor catalyzes another’s poverty.”
  • “This is my fault.”
  • “I apologize.”
  • “I love the United States of America.”
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