Bo Williams and the Secrets of the Turkey Bacon

With my Lenten pledge of no red meat, turkey bacon has made a return appearance at my house.  It’s an interesting product.  You see, there is no real bacon on a turkey.  So, we’re talking about turkey meat formed to simulate bacon.  That’s perhaps slightly distasteful, but if you’ve ever eaten bologna or hot dogs, you’ve effectively jettisoned any license to complain.

Calorie count and fat content are about half (or slightly more) those of real bacon, and if done well, it’s quite tasty.  Let’s dispel a few myths surrounding this foodstuff, shall we?

Myth:  Turkey bacon tastes just as good as real bacon.  You don’t see this claim particularly often, but it’s out there once in a while, and it’s absurd.  I would say perfectly cooked turkey bacon captures two-thirds of the real bacon experience.  Now, as we’re talking about two-thirds of gustatory nirvana, that’s still pretty strong, yes?

Myth:  You can cook turkey bacon satisfactorily in a number of ways.  The package usually offers microwave instructions and oven instructions, neither of which remotely approach the quality of pan-frying.  You have to do turkey bacon in a skillet over medium heat or it doesn’t get uniformly crisp, and limp turkey bacon is gross.

Myth:  Turkey bacon doesn’t shrink.  Turkey bacon does shrink, and notably.  It just doesn’t shrink quite as much as real bacon.

Myth:  Turkey bacon sticks to the skillet.  Not in my experience (which admittedly is exclusively in non-stick skillets).  However, remember you’re dealing with much less fat than real bacon, so it’s less forgiving of overheating.  Turn it often when it’s almost done—maybe every 45 seconds—or you’ll burn it.

Leave it on paper towels for just a couple of minutes before you use it.

An additional bonus of the low fat content is that when turkey bacon is done, the skillet doesn’t contain half a cup of cardiac arrest.  So you can go straight in with eggs, and they cook in under a minute.

Finally, you build, say, these marvelous 300-calorie wraps for yourself and two hungry little boys.

(That’s a low-carb/high-fiber tortilla, a Kraft single, one egg, and two slices of turkey bacon.)

Go forth, armed with this useful information.  Awaken the turkey bacon warrior that’s been inside you all along.

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