Just relax; this lubricant may be a little cold

I love actually flying in an airplane, but as I’ve written before, I really dislike all of the logistics surrounding it.  This was true even before the latest TSA security guidelines, which require you to strip naked for a thorough body cavity search in the middle of the terminal.

Ha, ha!  No, of course they don’t!  You know.  Yet.  But when we get there, it will be For Your Safety.

No, I actually hadn’t given these new guidelines, requiring either a privacy-invading and potentially unhealthy scanner or being touched inappropriately, much thought.  I don’t fly that much, and that’s not likely to change anytime soon.  Furthermore, far too many Americans have already relinquished far too much liberty without so much as a whimper, and as sad as I am to admit it, it’s just gotten pretty hard for me to get agitated about every little additional surrender.

I can’t believe I never specifically considered that they would do this to children as well.

I gave the “if you touch my junk” guy an eye roll when I heard about it, but now I’m glad he’s making racket.  I’m glad some more of you, my fellow Americans, are making racket.  Dare I hope we’ll actually get some of this airport gate absurdity turned back?

Maybe we’ll actually jump out of the pot instead of being boiled.

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6 thoughts on “Just relax; this lubricant may be a little cold”

  1. Guess I’ll find out for myself over xmas when I fly out to California. Last time I flew I got patted down because I was flying with my wrist brace on. Yeah, lesson learned there. Just take the thing off before security, stuff it in the carry on, then put it back on after security. Then they won’t take your temp rectally or obtain your blood type just to board a plane.

    But that was Sept 2009. We’ll see what Dec 2010 brings.

    I do know that for anyone who’s been molested or assaulted, being touched intimately by a stranger is definitely an emotional trigger that shouldn’t have to be endured.

    Reply
  2. I stepped into the full-body scanner in Hartfield on Sunday and again today in Dallas. I figured I’ll never see the perverts again, so what the hell. Better than having a lesbian experience with TSA agent.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

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  3. I’m glad we’re not going anywhere for the holidays, I’m not sure I’m up for dealing with this yet. I do have a totally serious question about the whole same-sex pat down thing though…what happens if they try to pat down a child? I don’t want anyone to touch my son, but worse yet if it’s a male. There has to be some percentage of TSA agents that are pedophiles (I would assume ones that hadn’t yet been caught since they would pass a background check.) I wish my question was in jest, but the very thought of that horrifies me.

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  4. All I can say is if for some odd reason I *had* to fly (I don’t), and I *had* to take La Principessa with me, and they told me they *had* to fondle her in the name of “security,” well…

    Y’all would have to take up a collection to bail my happy backside out of jail.

    I will not comply. I am not a criminal, and I won’t be treated like one for the sake of Security Theatre.

    Reply
  5. So has anyone else sung “If You Touch My Junk” to the tune of Cheap Trick’s “If You Want My Love”? Been crackin’ myself up all evening. There’s probably a hell of a YouTube video in that. It’ll have to be up to someone less lazy than I.

    Reply

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