Jun 052010

Nathan was about to pop to spend some of his saved cash today, so I took him to Toys R Us this afternoon so he could buy a Wii game he wanted.  This morning, I took both boys to the grocery store with me.

I think recovery of these outings as times to enjoy with my sons are one of my favorite things about quitting smoking.  Used to be, on some level taking a child somewhere was something to endure, so I could get back and be by myself again so I could smoke.  Both boys to the grocery store?  Forget it.  Wait until Lea can be with them, so I can smoke going and coming.  That’s how it was.

That’s how it will be again, immediately, if I ever pick them back up.  It takes over your whole damned life.

I’m building confidence in my use of the past tense.  I’ve been a 100% compliant non-smoker since December 17, and totally without nicotine since December 23.  I don’t think I’ve yet had a whole day go by that I didn’t think about smoking at all, but I’ll frequently get to the afternoon before I do.

Wow, could I ever have smoked a bunch this week.  Things aren’t going badly, but they’re quite busy, and I thought wistfully more than once about firing up a Marlboro Light.  (My morning commute contains several trigger moments.)

I resisted.  I’m knocking on six months abstinent here, and also knocking on 40 years old, and sheez, I’d like to start laughing at all of the self-flagellation I’ve done on my blog in the name of smoking rather than continue to be horrified by it.

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 Posted by at 4:48 pm

  10 Responses to “Recovered family time, and keeping the demon subdued”

  1. clapclapclapclapclap

  2. Thank you, ‘seester. This sort of flirted with one of those “I am SO GREAT” posts I was talking about, but as it was addressing numerous previous posts, it cleared my filter.

  3. Keep it up brother, keep it up. Makes more room for beer!!!

    Proud of you.

  4. Thank you, sir! My main accomplishment on my gut has been not gaining since quitting–which I haven’t–though that’s only so much victory when you’re starting out as much in the hole as I am. 🙂 There is another mountain to climb. I am girding.

  5. Good job. Having never smoked, I can’t relate all that much. Having lived through my husband quitting thirteen years ago, I know it’s a less than pleasant experience (for everyone involved). But it does get better and every day you don’t smoke is one more day you can truly enjoy your family. Keep it up!

  6. Thanks, Mirth! I sure wish I could say that (“having never smoked…”).

  7. Congrats on making it this far! =)

    I must say that this is one area in which being raised Mormon has paid off: never smoking. Their mantra against drinking alcohol didn’t quite take with me (easier to hide drinking than smoking), but the no smoking peer pressure did. For that I am grateful.

  8. Thank you, wxchick! The peer pressure was formidable, I’m sure. The other related thing you had going for you was never living in a house with it. My dad smoked until I was 20 years old; my mom smoked until she died in 2001. I was thoroughly acclimated to it.

  9. BTW Mom had quit smoking. She hadn’t smoked in over 4 years when she died.

    It is nice to just “live your life” instead of worrying about hair, breath, hands, clothes, car etc. smelling like smoke. I remember having the “gee, it is nice to be a non-smoker” moment. I am so proud of you for quitting! I can’t wait to see you all in July.

  10. Jenny, that sure sounds right, now that you say it. Thanks for the correction. Looking forward to seeing you too!

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