I don’t like Easter egg hunts

I didn’t like them as a child, and I don’t like them as a father.

I think up to 4 or 5 years old—you know, before kids learn to be intentionally, sustainedly mean—they’re the fun everyone supposes them to be.  Then, they begin an inevitable slide toward barbarism that provides ample opportunity for kids to act ugly and feel bad.  I’ve never attended one at which I didn’t see a kid being nasty to another one.

And yeah, I’ll confess it’s a little personal today.  Some urchin a year or two older than Nathan was shadowing him this afternoon at Dad’s neighborhood’s hunt.  Whenever Nathan got excited about spotting one, the kid would beat him to it and grab it (perhaps a quarter of a second before Nathan; get the mental image of what’s going on here?).  Once Nathan said “hey, I saw that first!”  The reply was “too bad; I got it, kid.”  Just like that.

Oh yeah?  How about I just take your whole basket and pop your ass, you parasitic little shit, and while you’re sitting there bawling, I’ll eat all of your candy right in front of you?  Wanna play real real world?

I did say something suitably reserved to him, and he left Nathan alone.  Nathan mentioned it to me, and I said yeah, he was acting ugly, and I’m proud that you didn’t.  That was the end of it.  It bothered me more than it did him.

Indeed, I’m obviously more bothered by the entire concept than most of you are, because the damned things keep happening.

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13 thoughts on “I don’t like Easter egg hunts”

  1. I think I’ve only taken my kids to one easter egg hunt that was a group outing. It was okay; mostly little kids and an abundance of eggs for everyone. But, I don’t like the organized ones anyway; even the easter bunny never mustered up more than a dozen or so eggs around the house.

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  2. You handled that well. I’m surprised that you didn’t have mom or dad in your face, though. Nasty little turds often have nasty turd parents that think their little darlings can do no wrong.

    At least nobody found a dead body, like in Iowa. Oddly enough, it was found by kids far too old to be on an Easter egg hunt. The cutoff age for things like that should be around 5.

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  3. ‘seester: as the post was originally composed I wasn’t identifying the hunt’s composition, and that’s important. For example, our boys missed our church’s (rescheduled) hunt this afternoon, and I’m confident that one would have been fine.

    Cheryl: Thanks. I have only limited experience with parents in such a situation, but I’m not shy about embarrassing people who need it, and that’s just another manifestation.

    (My favorite recurring opportunity is folks who just leave their cart in the grocery store parking lot instead of corraling it. Oooooh, if you do that, you better hope it’s never in my presence. I’ll berate you at the top of my lungs (complete with pointing), and you won’t believe it, and I’ll laugh about it the rest of the day.)

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  4. No, I don’t like them either. Which is why all hunting takes place in controlled conditions (i.e.: inside my house). There’s going to be enough ugliness in HSH’s life; I don’t have to add to it by intentionally placing a relatively shy only child in the midst of an eat-or-be-eaten situation.

    Besides, I’ve well proven around here that I’m liable to go Mama Bear at the first given opportunity. I’ve gotten dang notorious at the playground. Apparently, yelling, “Hey! Whose mouthy little brat is this?” wasn’t something that would endear me to the Moms’ groups.

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  5. Carol, I won’t go quite that far. Let’s just say I realize my tolerance for my fellow man is finite, and it behooves me to spend it wisely. 🙂

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  6. YES. I can totally relate. I never liked them growing up either, mainly because not once did I ever find the most eggs or find the prize egg. Never. And now it’s painful because my kids couldn’t find their way out of a wet paper bag.

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  7. We went to one today. Rebecca said before we got there. ” is this a contest? I don’t like contests, mommy”. I said, “no! It’s a game”. And luckily it was fun today. But, I can relate to your thoughts about it.

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