More health guidelines from the Obama administration

The United States Preventive Services Task Force, a panel funded and appointed by the United States government, recently recommended that women begin mammograms at age 50, or ten years later than the previous guidance of age 40.  It also downplayed the usefulness of breast self-exams.

This seemingly odd advice immediately fueled speculation that the government was already trying to cut costs, or ration, health care, even before the “reform” is passed.  However, we here at WmWms recognize it as simply the product of better knowledge as medical science advances.

In that spirit, here are a few other new health guidelines.  Effective immediately:

  • Turns out Pap smears aren’t such a big deal.  If you just really don’t like getting them, don’t.
  • Men should have an annual prostate exam beginning at age 75.
  • If you get something trapped in your ear or nose, use a long, slender object with a blunt tip to attempt to retrieve it yourself.  A chopstick works well, or maybe the end of a wooden spoon handle.
  • Children’s vaccination recommendations remain the same as before.  However, if there are diseases on the list you’re really pretty sure your kid won’t get, you can skip those.
  • In lieu of expensive and almost always ultimately unnecessary diagnostic chest X-rays, a gentle kiss on the forehead from your radiologist will suffice.
  • Speaking of X-rays, if you think you’ve broken one of those zillion little tiny bullshit bones in your hand or your foot, just wrap it up in an Ace bandage and take it easy for a while.  It’ll be fine.
  • There is now a two-digit minimum for reattaching fingers or toes.
  • Cialis, Viagra, and Levitra are no longer recommended treatments for erectile dysfunction.  Instead, ask your wife to act and dress sluttier.
  • Lacerations less than two inches in length no longer require stitches.
  • It’s just a cold.  You don’t have a sinus infection.  In fact, there’s not even any such thing as a sinus infection.  Quit your bitching, you baby.

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10 thoughts on “More health guidelines from the Obama administration”

  1. I’d just like to say that if Nicole Kidman, Salma Hayek, or Kate Beckinsale are confused by new guidelines, I am offering to waive my usual consulting fee.

    Yeah, I’m goin’ straight to Hell…

    You know, to me it wasn’t the new guidelines that were so strange, but the immediate backpedaling by Sebelius when pressed. I work with numbers and trends every day, so it makes pretty good sense that after a few decades of early detection, the numbers start to skew to the right. But to have a board of pretty intelligent folks state that and then have the administration throw the thing in reverse after one bad press day…ugh.

    I am also waiving my fee for Uma Thurman, but she can’t bring a sword.

    Reply
  2. “Cialis, Viagra, and Levitra are no longer recommended treatments for erectile dysfunction. Instead, ask your wife to act and dress sluttier.”

    Coffee out the nose on this one, man. That hasn’t happened in a long time.

    Carey

    Reply
  3. Best piece I’ve read about this controversy is a blog entry by a primary care physician in Georgia: http://distractible.org/2009/11/19/breast-cancer-and-emotions/

    What I don’t understand is why you blame the Obama administration for these guidelines. From what I’ve read, this council was started in 1984 and works pretty much independently of whatever party is in power. No matter how much you dislike the President, I find it dishonest to blame these recommendations on him or his adminstration. The President does not officially nominate any of the members of this council. See http://tiny.cc/clickhere347 for how council members are chosen. Personally, if these recommendations are influenced by anything more than what the council members say they are (reviews of study results and their own experiences), it’s more likely that the insurance industry is buying influence rather than any attempt by the President or his administration.

    Reply
  4. BamaDan: The whole thing reeks. And I’ll see you there, if that’s all it takes…

    Carey, Susan: Delighted. 🙂

    wxchick: I can’t swallow the one-two of these recommendations and the very real threat of rationing just being a remarkable coincidence. (But golly gee, it says right here the president has nothing to do with this council!) Sheesh. Come on. Let’s see some healthy skepticism toward the government no matter whose ass is in the chair.

    Reply
  5. Come on, Bo. I have a healthy skeptism toward the government. I’m just not a conspiracy nut. I also have a healthy skeptism towards folks who paint everything as one person’s fault. I probably don’t dislike President Obama as much as you, but I do distrust him and the entire government, from the top down to my local county rep. I guess what I’m really weary about is all the fingerpointing in general.

    I personally don’t believe these mammogram recommendations are a result of political scheming. I think these results would have been released no matter what political winds were blowing. Just like all the buzz recently about the prostate exams (or PBH tests or whatever it was) not being all that effective in detecting prostate cancer. Why no outrage about rationing then? Because of the timing of those findings?

    The only thing that really bothers me about the mammogram recommendations is that it opens the door for the insurance companies to refuse to cover them until women are in their 50s. And the fact that so many people are such sheep that they’ll not take charge of their health and demand the screening if their health and history warrant it. They’ll just do what the government tells them to do. That’s the voting public that really grinds me.

    Oh well, women ahve lived through the times of insurance not covering birth control pills while they would cover Viagra, wouldn’t cover annual pap smears, etc, so unfairness is nothing new to women vs health care.

    Reply

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