Jan 312009
  • say they don’t like Johnny Cash are either ignorant or lying.
  • are over 40 and have no hint of a laugh line are not to be trusted.
  • constantly complain about the same old things that are completely under their own control tend to fall out of my life.
  • fail to return shopping carts to the store or a cart corral in my presence risk severe and sustained public humiliation.
  • bring 11 items to the express lane don’t bother me, nor do people who bring 40 (because clearly, from their usual body language and behavior, they didn’t see the sign, and honest mistakes are just that)—but I want to kick the shifty jerk with 17 items right in the ass.
  • terrorize women and children in their own homes make me wish I believed in a fire-and-brimstone hell.
  • obstruct volunteer efforts (at schools and churches, for example) for trivial reasons tend to be the same oxygen-stealing malcontents who get way too excited about homeowner’s associations.
  • allow unambiguous extremists to define the side of a debate they’re predisposed to dislike, then feign interest in constructive discussion, earn my complete disregard.
  • ring my doorbell after dark better be well acquainted with me, delivering something, or requesting assistance with a genuine emergency.
  • teach their children that farting and burping are never to be laughed at under any circumstances are too damned uptight.

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 Posted by at 1:36 pm

  6 Responses to “People who:”

  1. I guess I’m ignorant, then, cuz – sorry, but – Johnny Cash does nothing for me. “Ring of Fire” has to be one of the most annoying songs I’ve ever heard in my life.

    Just my humble opinion.

  2. When such occasions arise with fans of hard rock, I usually suggest a good live recording of “The Wreck of the Old 97,” but I can’t find one quickly on YouTube.

    Ever seen/heard him cover Nine Inch Nails’ “Hurt”?

  3. You are dead on!! Particularly the Johnny Cash comment. 🙂

  4. I’m not much of a country music fan, but I like Johnny Cash. He was one of the most influential musicians of the 20th century. I overheard a black teenager singing along to the music on his iPod–“Folsom Prison Blues”. It made me decide to rid myself of stereotypes once and for all.

    …and I ain’t seen the sunshine since
    I don’t know when…

    What a great song! And so is “Ring of Fire”. 🙂

  5. What is it with people who can’t put up their carts any way? I can manage it with a toddler in the rain! Anyone can do it!!! I think it is a conspiracy.

  6. Jodi: Yup–a conspiracy of laziness and entitlement.

    I really do give people hell when I see them do it. “Oh, I’ll get that for you sir, as obviously, your life is considerably busier than mine.”

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