2008 November | BoWilliams.com

He just wanted a hug…from the 250-lb. bear

Nov 222008

Hey, did you see where the colossal dumbass college student climbed into the panda exhibit for a hug, and wound up in the hospital for days with bites all over his arms and legs? Story here.

“Yang Yang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him. I didn’t expect he would attack,” Liu said from the hospital.

Hey man, a little wisdom for you: wild animals don’t get “cute,” and for the most part, they don’t get “cross-species affection.” Mostly animals are thinking “eat; don’t get eaten. Eat; don’t get eaten. Eat; don’t get eaten.” If they get the idea that you’re going to mess with that, then well, they bite and stuff.

47 questions for Friday night

Questionnaires 5 Responses »

Nov 212008

Boosted from Fighting Windmills, a new favorite of mine. She’s frosty.

If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say? Man, is there ever a lot of money to be made with this turn of events!

When was the last time you flew in a plane? October 2007

What did the last text message you sent say? K

What features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex? Self-confidence, strong character, intelligence, wit

What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future? I am going to apply myself, calling upon every reserve of strength I have—every fiber of my being—and finish this beer.

What is your shoe size? 12

Have you ever been to Mexico? No

When is the last time you had a massage? I have never had a professional massage, but Lea is good at working on my neck when it needs it.

What was the last TV show you watched? Georgia Tech 41, Miami 23

What are your plans for the weekend? Tomorrow: Changing oil and transmission fluid in Lea’s van in the morning. Watching football in the afternoon. Taking Lea out for her birthday, if everyone is well enough to go. Sunday: Church in the morning, and don’t know after that.

If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say? Yes

What is in the back seat of your car right now? Nothing

What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Driving to work

If you could marry any celebrity today who would it be? Harley Jane Kozak

Have you ever been to a strip club? Yes

What is the best ice cream flavor? Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey

What is the last sporting event you watched? Georgia Tech 41, Miami 23

Who is the last person you sent a comment/message to on myspace/facebook? Carrie

Have you ever been camping? Yes

What did the last text message you received say? let u know how it goes

Where is your mom right now? Heaven

What color is your watch? Current watch has black dial with silver bezel, and it’s on a black rubber strap

Who did you last talk to on the phone? Lea, I think

Are you allergic to anything? Cats, though I acquire substantial (but not total) immunity to specific animals

Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Whatever pair of <$30 athletic shoes I have most recently purchased at Costco (Edited: I had a hit from costco.com on this post less than three minutes after it went up. That says something impressive about that company.)

What is one thing you have learned about life recently? To temper certain kinds of expectations

Do you own an iPod? Yes

Do any of your friends have children? Yes

What do you do at work? Write software documentation

Who was your last kiss? 10 minutes ago

How did you get one of your scars? I have a two-inch-long scar on my lower back from a piece of glass that I picked up in a drainage ditch after being thrown from the bed of a pickup at 65 mph or so.

What is your mom’s name? Judy

Are you ticklish? My ticklishness has waned considerably. Probably I’m still most ticklish on the roof of my mouth.

Have you ever cried for no reason? There is always a reason. (Fighting Windmills’ answer retained)

Have you ever broken a bone? My right pinkie toe

Do you have any piercings? I had a pierced left ear for two or three weeks once; none currently (or ever again)

Have you ever changed clothes while driving? Not that I can recall

Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit? Yes; I have two young children

What was the last thing you ordered at McDonald’s? Probably a sausage, egg, and cheese McGriddles; damn, I love those things (unfortunately). (And a black coffee. McDonald’s actually has pretty good coffee these days.)

Can you do the Crank Dat dance? I don’t know what that is.

What is your favorite color to wear? Blue; crimson and white

What is the longest plane ride you have ever been on? Not very long. Chicago to San Jose? Nashville to Vegas? 4 hours, maybe?

What is the longest road trip you have ever taken? Point to point: Williamsburg, VA to Huntsville, AL, at 725 miles. In one day: Madison, AL to Ocean Springs, MS and back, at 817 miles. Most on a single itinerary: Huntsville, AL, to Atlanta, GA, to Panama City, FL, to Orlando, FL, to Eufaula, AL, to Huntsville AL (honeymoon). 1,891 miles total.

What are your turn-offs? Willful ignorance; overreaction

What was your first alcoholic beverage? A sip of my dad’s beer, which probably would have been a Miller High Life in the gold can

What was your last alcoholic beverage? Budweiser American Ale

What are you craving right now? The weekend. Good thing it’s here, eh?

Thursday miscellanea #14

Menagerie 11 Responses »

Nov 202008

“Marshall, Will, and Holly, on a routine expedition…“
Anyone who’s ever spent any time working on a car knows that the dropped tool or hardware magically finds the geometric center of the space under the car. That’s irritating enough. But in space, you’re way fucked, buckaroo.
This is an unusually chilly November, which means the ground is colder than usual, which means that when some moisture and some upper 20s to low 30s show up…come on, this year? Please?
Well, that didn’t take long. We can now say definitively that Coach Rod won’t be retiring at Michigan: “It’s amazing some of the things that people would say [on a message board] or yell at you of a personal nature. You almost want to tell them, ‘Get a life.’” – Rich Rodriguez
There’s this conventional wisdom congealing that GM is about to go under because it greedily built huge trucks and SUVs when the masses were clamoring for fuel-efficient vehicles, and as an exclusive explanation, it’s horseshit. GM’s bankruptcy (or bailout, God forbid) has been inevitable for several years, and the UAW has considerably more to do with it than do lots full of unsold Escalades. Gasoline at $4 was an accelerant, not an initial cause. If GM is to have any real chance of taming the worst of the UAW’s parasitism (and removing the management mediocrity that does exist), it must embrace Chapter 11.
Speaking of, my father’s got the right idea. He just sent me an article bemoaning the lack of leadership at the Big Three, and bolstered the article by reminding me that he’s considering buying a German car because there is no domestic competition for what he wants. I responded “well, clearly you hate America” (with a smiley). Dad replied “No, just Detroit and Washington. Hey, I know, let’s let the casino owners in Las Vegas take a crack at running things. At least with all the pretty girls and flashing lights, morale would improve considerably.”
Dr. Daschle in da house! Woo woo! President-elect Obama has tapped Tom Daschle to be the Secretary of Health and Human Services. Was anyone else “saddened and disappointed” to hear this?
I’ve always loved the mistake “personal checks not excepted” because it means exactly the opposite of what is intended. There aren’t many of those.

Begging to puke

Annoyances, Consumption, Family 8 Responses »

Nov 192008

It was only late last week that I was going through some old posts and thinking “maybe we won’t be quite so sick this winter.”

Ha!

Last night Nathan rang in Pathogen Extravaganza 2008 with an impressive emesis, notable for both its volume and coverage. He’s home today. I don’t think he’s repeated the feat, but his truce with his tummy is uneasy, at best. Not movin’ much, this kid.

It felt like we were sick all the damned time last year, and looking back over my posts from then it looks like I blogged about it all the damned time too. I’ll dial it way back this winter. It’s only so interesting.

I mentioned this one, though, because there’s a potentially relevant back story.

Nathan’s first Upward basketball practice was Monday night. We went out to eat afterward, and chose Oh! Bryan’s, a local family steakhouse that has only recently begun opening on Mondays. The food’s good and reasonably priced.

We usually have good service, but this time our server was one of the more singularly unfocused young people I’ve ever encountered. He took our order and never gave it to the kitchen. No crowd; we’re at one of perhaps four occupied tables in the place. When the manager figured out what had happened she apologized, hustled it out, and comped us. (I tried to resist that. Giving me $30 of dinner seems excessive compensation for having to wait 30 minutes instead of 20, and she’d already been polite and contrite, which was all that was indicated. But she’d already closed the register.)

So the wait is long, is the point. And how does my firstborn entertain himself during this wait?

He licks the wall.

Now I don’t mean he’s giving it a tentative and exploratory flick here and there. I mean he’s swabbing that thing earnestly, as if it were oozing chocolate syrup. Kid’s got all of his tongue that he can get out of his mouth flat on that wall, and he’s easing his head up slowly, to maximize the experience.

It took me a good, long second to properly resolve this visual. People don’t lick walls. Hell, dogs don’t lick walls. I firmly informed him of his error, and he stopped.

Now I don’t know that he contracted his gastroenteritis right then, but it’s certainly not a silly thought. He’s feeling rotten enough right now that I think it’d be more mean than instructive to go all I-told-you-so on him. However, once he’s begun an ascent, but still while he’s close enough to his misery to really remember it, I’m going to connect them for him.

Folks, wash your hands. Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze. And please don’t lick the wall.

Flagrant adjective abuse

Annoyances, Consumption, Language 7 Responses »

Nov 182008

Remember the good old days of your childhood? Remember running around, riding your bike, climbing fences, getting muddy, and running home for lunch to find that your mom had whipped up a big ol’ mess o’ homestyle…

…”chicken fries”?

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