Sep 252008
  • PETA has suggested to Ben & Jerry’s that they replace 75% of the cow’s milk they currently use with human milk.  At last, the fine PETA people have given us a cause we can all support that is not bizarre or revolting whatsoever.
  • I interacted with three car dealership service department employees this week.  Each was friendly, articulate, and helpful.  Kudos, Regal Nissan.  I’m still a service-it-yourself sort of fellow, so I don’t plan to visit you folks often, but I hope this is the norm.
  • Remember those compasses we all had in grade school, on one end of which was the very sharpest point you’d ever encountered in your entire (short) life?  Do kids still have those?  I can’t see how, with all the zero tolerance hysteria.  What do they do instead?  Trace jar lids?
  • Speaking of jars, the correct order of preference for what kind of jam or jelly to use for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is:  grape jelly, strawberry jam, apple jelly, blackberry jam.  Lacking these, apple butter produces an acceptable, though unambiguously inferior, sandwich.  Raspberry jam is probably fine if you like raspberries, but I don’t.  Peanut butter and orange marmalade will open a portal to hell into which you will be immediately sucked.
  • My single favorite piece of college football band music—besides “Yea Alabama,” of course—is “Chinese Bandits” (recently neologized to “Tiger Bandits”), an ominous little fanfare the LSU band plays whenever the defense forces fourth down.  It’s perfect for the purpose in that it’s chilling, short, and omnipresent when they’re rolling.
  • I ate lunch at TGIFriday’s, one of the stuff-on-the-wallingest of the stuff-on-the-walls, today.  We sat exactly one table away from where, on a lunch date sometime in 1993, one of the sexiest women I ever went out with proceeded to tell me she was a Mafia princess.  Creative blowoff?  Perhaps.  It worked.  And how.  I wanted in her pants bad, but not that bad.
  • When I was about 8, my dad had a tape recorder that he’d talk about work into while he was traveling.  About five years ago I bought a voice recorder and tried it for a while, but soon sold it to a friend.  I do a lot of great thinking counting mile markers on the interstate, but giving voice to my thoughts doesn’t work well for me.  Interesting how differently we’re all wired.
  • I’m pleased to finally see some serious dissent on the gigantic federal bailout (did you notice they switched to calling it a “rescue plan” sometime in the last day or so?).  It gives me hope that we’ll merely be fucked hard instead of being fucked really hard.  Pass the K-Y.

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 Posted by at 8:34 pm

  10 Responses to “Thursday miscellanea #7”

  1. 2nd on my preferred companion to Peanut Butter is Cherry Jam.

  2. I agree with your assessment of sweet additives to a peanut butter sandwich. I might go further: grape jelly or nothing.

    Speaking of which, do we get some “sweetener” for bending over for a government proctological action?

    There is a still, small, voice in my head which is saying: “Hey, pal, the longer you wait, the worse-tasting the medicine is going to be when you finally have to take it.” Is the “bailout” just a way of insuring that a worse thing will happen if we don’t take our (recession) medicine now?


  3. I agree with your assessment of PETA’s proposal. The dairy might be an interesting place to work however.

  4. Honestly? Mrs. Chili is starting to get nervous, as in “start stocking up on canned goods and toilet paper” nervous. Are we headed for a depression? If we really WERE, would anyone be TELLING us about it?

    See, here’s where I roll my eyes. I like the underlying IDEA of PETA – I think animals SHOULD be treated ethically. That being said, this little bit of nutjobbery is what makes them an institution that I cannot EVER take seriously, ever. Though I remember my nursing days fondly, I don’t think that human-milk ice cream will ever fly. For starters, it would be WICKED expensive (cows don’t require minimum wage or health insurance benefits). Second, humans can’t produce GALLONS a day the way that cows can, thereby increasing the costs significantly (how many moms are you going to need to feed the country’s Cherry Garcia habit, hmmm?). Third, the fat to protein ratio of human milk is, quite probably, insufficient to make ice cream in the first place (though I can’t say this for sure; I, personally, never tried). While using human milk would definitely cut down on the need for sweeteners (have you tried human milk? It’s some kind of sweet!)and would be inherently safe, quality control and consistency would go out the window; there’s just too much variation from woman to woman. Ridiculousness. PETA proving, yet again, that it’s a fringe outfit and really doing a disservice to its essentially worthy message.

  5. Trivia question:

    What (non-human) animal has historically been the most popular milk source for humans? and why?

  6. Suzie: I would guess goats, because they’re small (and thus don’t require a lot of resources to keep).

  7. Bo scores!

    Goats only provide a little milk each day, thus a lack of fridge isn’t a problem…. yum…. goat cheese!!!

  8. Human breast milk also contains stem cells. I wonder if PETA folks sit around a bong and brainstorm.
    Bo, how can you like anything about LSU? Those idiots don’t even know that tigers are ORANGE.

  9. Cheryl: What can I say? I’m just not the hater I used to be. 🙂

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