Sarah Palin today continued her revitalization of the Republican base with new campaign activities and 
practices designed to further acquaint her with the voting public. “These new initiatives will give the citizens a personal view into what I’m all about,” Palin laughed ominously. They include:
- Exciting new weekly contests, available exclusively on McCain’s official campaign web site. For the first week, if you win, then at an upcoming campaign stop in your town, Sarah Palin will shoot and field-dress an animal of your choice.
- For attendees at special town halls who contribute $99, Sarah Palin will reveal what she believes God’s will to be for the contributor’s life.
- Thrilling stops at which Sarah Palin will walk into each of the campaign trail’s local libraries blindfolded. The first book she touches is banned, baybee!
- Altar calls at all campaign stops for the many godless heathens so sadly remaining in this glorious nation. Randomly selected converts receive laying on of hands from Sarah Palin herself!
- 10% of all McCain campaign contributions will now be your direct tribute to Sarah Palin, going directly into her pocket, for whatever personal needs she may have—and you shall be glad to pay it, you pathetic, groveling worm!
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Ya know, Palin *would* do all of those things if she thought she’d get more votes. That’s what frightens me.
I’m so *sick* of hearing about Sarah Palin. All of them, really. This election campaign has run on for two years now. I can only imagine that the next one will run for three years. Gah!
Honestly, that woman needs to be stopped. I laughed at this, but I also realize that she attracts some people for her very extreme fervor and that’s terrifying. I am about to vote in my very first American election (I’m a citizen 3 years now) and I cast my vote this time to stop what I know in my bones is an unmitigated disaster.
Huh, I never comment on politics – see how worked up I am?