Sep 292008

I had a post mostly ready to go tonight—just needing a little polish, really—but my priorities have shifted rather radically since I arrived home.

You see, I have received an EMERGENCY TELEGRAM from Arizona senator and Republican presidential nominee John McCain.

As you can see, it is EXTREMELY URGENT and, should, therefore, occupy my full attention.

I’m guessing this has something to do with the bailout.  Perhaps Senator McCain needs my assistance in crafting some language for a compromise bill.  Who knows?  Whatever the case, clearly this is quite a high calling for which I am honored to be chosen, and I must address it immediately.

I plan to resume a normal posting schedule when the crisis is resolved.

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 Posted by at 5:16 pm

  6 Responses to “Emergency telegram”

  1. They don’t send us lefty humanists emergency telegrams…

  2. You’d get crap like this all the time if you contributed to political candidates’ campaigns and/or subscribed to publications with definite slants. I got about two years’ worth of it from the left after I subscribed to The Nation.

    Much of the conservative stuff has dried up too, actually. I haven’t made a political contribution since shortly after the first of the year, and I quit taking National Review perhaps two years ago.

  3. I don’t get mail. They just call me. I had a lot of fun with the pollster a couple of years ago (it was about our governor’s race and other local issues). I had to EXPLAIN my answers to the guy on the phone. He didn’t know what the term ‘entitlement program’ means.

  4. They don’t send me nothin’.

    And I like it that way.

  5. I got this one:

    Dear Excellent Friend:
    > I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.
    > I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion USD. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.
    > I am working with Mr. Phil Gramm, lobbyist for UBS, who (God willing) will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a former U.S. congressional leader and the architect of the PALIN / McCain Financial Doctrine, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s.
    > As such, you can be assured that this transaction is 100% safe.
    > This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.
    >Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information,
    > I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.
    > Yours Faithfully,
    > Henry Paulson
    > Minister of Treasury
    > Department of the Treasury
    > 1500 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
    > Washington, D.C. 20220

  6. I got the telegram, I mean letter, too. I crank called their toll free number 866-598-9862 and asked what a telegram is and was told that the word means contribution.

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