I’ve been lax in my responsibilities. For that I apologize.
I know a great many of you look to me to know what to think, and it must have been traumatic for you that I have waited so long to endorse a candidate for U.S. President in 2008. I’m pleased to inform you that your wait is over.
Here is everyone I seriously considered and rejected:
Barack Obama (Democrat): Folks, this guy’s an asshole. I hate to say it right out loud like that, and I know he gives a good speech from time to time. But his messianic shtick is thoroughly obnoxious; he’s becoming more assumptive and “entitled” than even Hillary ever was; and the way he paints any criticism as a racist attack is really grating. Look past his first impression and really listen to what comes out of his mouth. Plus, on the issues, he’s run-of-the-mill hard left, and I’m not. The best thing he’d bring to the Oval Office is four years of Michelle Obama on TV.
John McCain (Republican): What’s his campaign song again? “Blowin’ in the Wind”? McCain did a poor job of making friends with me in 2000, and he’s never recovered. I found him petulant, needy, and a political chameleon. Plus, I can’t shake the feeling that he’s fully capable of completely slipping a gear one day, and I don’t want a guy with that trait to have access to the button. Republicans, your nominee sucks shit. But hey, I don’t mean that in a bad way.
Bob Barr (Libertarian): This party is where I am, for now, though I’m not crazy about their position on immigration. Yet Barr doesn’t blow my skirt up. For one thing, he’s changed his mind on an awful lot of things to become a Libertarian. He was avid pro-War on Drugs and anti-gay marriage very recently, and I can’t help wondering about a guy who shifts positions so radically so late in life. I tacked libertarian for years before I arrived there. Seems to me that Barr woke up and flipped some switches, and it feels rather less than genuine.
Chuck Baldwin (Constitution Party): He mostly sounds good until you get to the part where he wants to give a full hearing to the moonbats who think 9/11 was a government plot.
Ted Weill (Reform Party): The Reform Party is devoid of social platform. That sounds good superficially, as I see no legitimate government interest in most social issues, but I’d prefer they say that explicitly.
Ralph Nader (independent): OK, I know this guy must have a friend or two. Will y’all please work on getting him laid?
So who is it? Well, sadly lacking any serious candidate, I’ve decided to go for maximum fun. If we’re going to have a useless President, she might as well be entertaining.
WmWms endorses Cynthia McKinney for President of the United States.