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- No, you don’t look at all stupid with that Bluetooth earpiece stuck on the side of your head every damned place you go.
- Tell me again about how much richer your life is since you got rid of your television. Verily, it is never anything but fascinating.
- I love when you put your money away, carefully fold and store your receipt, and check your makeup and/or hair before you drive away from the ATM.
- I know you love your dogs and cats. I love mine too. I still think including them in a professional family portrait is silly.
- Ditto hanging stuff on your rear-view mirror past age 20.
- “Not my kid!” = “Almost certainly your kid.”
- Will you please just order off the menu?
- I think you should so totally pierce your brain next.
- If I want to know what you paid for that, I’ll ask. Absent said query, you may safely assume that my curiosity about such is negligible.
- Yes, I do think that mole looks suspicious. Better go ahead and give me your watch. Also your table saw. Help me load it?
- You know how when we watch a movie you’ve already seen, and you’re all “watch this” and “oh, this will blow your mind” and stuff? That doesn’t annoy the shit out of me.
- It’s clear that you’ve made a comprehensive effort to understand all sides of the issue, and haven’t let extremists define the side of the debate you’re predisposed to dislike.
- If I ever say “meet you at the mall,” you’re being ditched.
- Nah, no problem. Leave your shopping cart wherever you like. I’ll move it. Maybe you’ll find it.
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