Purity Test, version 4.0

I don’t remember what my score was the last time I took the Purity Test (seven or eight years ago, remembering the people with whom I laughed about it), but I don’t think it was anywhere near 500 questions long. Anyway, that’s where version 4.0 of the test weighs in. I’m 53.8% pure, which means that of the 500 things it asked me whether I’ve done, I said yes 231 times.

I’ll tell you, though, I don’t know about this scoring. There is no weighting; everything counts the same. So having sex with your sibling, is valued the same as holding hands (with anyone), is valued the same as doing cocaine, etc.

It’s fun, but it’s frank. You have been warned. Don’t bring your neo-Victorian rage back here if your delicate little sensibilities get squished.

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