Oct 312014

momMy mother:

  • Ordered mustard, pickle, and onion on her hamburger without exception. (So she loved Krystals.)
  • Was a stewardess for Northwest Airlines and living in Minnesota when she and Dad married.
  • Liked and introduced me to peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches.
  • Was addicted to, at one time or another, NyQuil and Neo-Synephrine.
  • Loved the ritual of an Episcopalian service. Grace in Anniston was my first church, and I vividly remember kneeling, standing, and sitting with her.
  • Strongly preferred white lights to colored lights at Christmastime.
  • Always had the iconic 6 1/2 oz. Coca-Cola bottle when we would eat at the Golden Rule BBQ.
  • Owned a 1969 Chevrolet Brookwood named Herkimer, a 1977 Buick Estate Wagon named Osnoggle, a 1978 Chevrolet Caprice Classic named Rosemary, and a 1992 Honda Accord named Camellia.
  • Never saw a Star Wars movie.
  • Hated for anyone to touch her head.
  • Howled to near-breathlessness at that stupid singing mounted fish.
  • Didn’t trust people with what she judged to be thin lips.
  • Stole from doctor’s examination rooms regularly and shamelessly. I see I told that one already some time ago.
  • Once played ZAFTIG to crush my last hopes in a Scrabble game.
  • Worried about my spiritual health when I came for a few days at Christmas and she saw The Fountainhead on my nightstand.
  • Batted .200 on husbands.
  • Remained the greeting voice on her widower’s answering machine a full seven years after she died.
  • Finally figured out that she could keep her furniture store salesperson peers from stealing her lighter if it was a pink Bic jr.
  • Thought that calling soft drinks “bellywashes” would temper my consumption of them.
  • Once knocked over a traffic pylon with Osnoggle solely for the amusement of her children.
  • Pretended to like my first fiancée.
  • Pretended to dislike my second fiancée (and wife).
  • Had ridiculously skinny legs. She used to tell of a high school classmate who would tease “don’t step in any Coke bottles, Russell.”
  • Went through a brief but intense CB radio period. Her handle was Sugar.
  • Adored the little colored plastic animals Sonic used to put on top of their milkshakes.
  • Would exclaim “well, fuck me runnin’!” when others might have said “well, I’ll be!” or “how about that!”
  • Missed meeting two grandsons who would have given her tremendous pleasure, and vice versa.
  • Has my love now and forever. I miss you, Mom.
 Posted by at 1:20 am
Oct 302014
  • Couldn’t tell you the last time I sat and watched a baseball game. I watched almost all of Game 7 last night. Sorry, Royals. I was your fan for three hours. Maybe that’s what did you in.
  • My bottle of my friend Jason’s smoked red moruga hot sauce has gotten half again as hot since I bought it. The flavor is so good that I want to use it on and in lots of things, but I’m using smaller and smaller drops!
  • Relatedly, Scott Roberts has substantially updated the best Scoville heat unit (SHU) scale on the web. Check it out.
  • I like the Matthew McConaughey Lincoln spots. I do. I liked the first one the first time I saw it. I think it’s an artistically solid effort to do something different with a car commercial.
  • Of course, my preferred narrative is Auburn deals Ole Miss its second SEC loss this weekend and Alabama wins out. An Auburn fan has a steeper mountain right now. They need the same two losses from Mississippi State that we need from Ole Miss—only Mississippi State doesn’t have any losses yet.
  • Quick, name an iconic rock band named after a sex toy! Steely Dan took its name from the Steely Dan III—a dildo in William S. Burroughs’ 1959 novel Naked Lunch.
  • We just might need the heat by Saturday night. Won’t need it long—high of 60 forecast for Sunday—but a cool Friday, a cold Friday night, and a cooler Saturday might be enough to run it for a few hours.
 Posted by at 7:00 am
Oct 262014

…didn’t know anything about popular music. He never knew anything about what I was listening to, and he didn’t even reliably follow his own favorites, like Billy Joel and Neil Diamond. I understand it now. …would try to fix some cheap something-or-other instead of replacing it. He would sit and fuss with low-quality crap trying [...]

 Posted by at 8:50 pm
Oct 242014

Actually I think the state itself is pretty great. But I hate the Tennessee Volunteers. I haven’t always. In fact, they used to be my second-favorite team. I was 11 years old in the fall of 1982. It was the first football season that my parents were divorced, and we were spending a fair bit [...]

 Posted by at 11:29 am

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